Chicago, IL – Orthopaedists always figured their specialty was science-proof. “One day we will have a cure for heart disease, and the cure for cancer, but we will never have the cure for stupidity,” Dr. Steve Royd, a Chicago orthopaedist, explained. “We thought people would continue to do stupid shit, keeping our practices thriving. But we didn’t expect that a microscopic virus could change all that.”
Orthopods across the country have been prohibited from doing elective procedures, and with the closure of playgrounds, sporting events, and with a precipitous drop in motor vehicle accidents, their patient volume has plummeted. “We realized over the last few weeks that many orthopaedists, particularly those in private practice, are going to have difficulty keeping their practices solvent,” said Dr. Royd. “At our recent AAOS annual meeting, held via Zoom, we considered the strengths of our membership. We had gotten word that our orthopods were being thrown out of ICUs and ERs, where they were offering to help. Apparently, we were not supposed to mallet the endotracheal tubes into place.”
Recognizing that orthopods are best when wielding heavy equipment, Dr. Royd and his colleagues developed the idea of starting Bro-fit classes. Instead of telemedicine visits, orthopaedists are holding these fitness classes out of their offices. “There is a real need for the public to stay in shape during their quarantine, and who better to guide them than experts in the musculoskeletal system?” Dr. Royd anticipates that the Bro-fit classes will most definitely go viral. “It will be totally pandepic!”
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