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Option 1: Just kidding.

Option 2:

Pressed by enormous frustration from medical staff around the country working mandatory overtime in unsafe conditions and with limited PPE, the Chief Executive Officers of several major hospital systems have opted to temporarily reduce their own salary and the salaries of their preposterously overpaid colleagues in an effort to provide hazard pay for the medical employees they’ve abused for decades. Many CEO’s involved feel that this is an unnecessary outreach, but now that the word is out have chosen to acknowledge and deal with the cuts.

Hospitals systems that are participating include In Your F*cking Dreams Medical Center of Washington, DC, Fat Chance Hospital out of Michigan and Never Have I Ever Memorial Hospital in Chicago. The cuts are meant to provide additional pay to masses of nurses, physicians, and respiratory therapists on the front lines of the Coronavirus Crisis.

Brett Cava-Nah, an esteemed CEO of a Massachusetts health system made the following statement regarding the manner: It’s just the right thing to do. I can sit back and relax in my vacation mansion while our doctors and nurses struggle to fight Big Rona. If they’re working hard, and I’m working far less than half as hard, why am I getting paid so much? Wait…Why am I getting paid so much?”

Why indeed, Brett. Why indeed.