MANHATTAN, NY- Ms. Rosa Shea, rising M4 and dermatology hopeful, was busy adding finishing-filters to her Instagram story – an aesthetic and tasteful picture featuring a cappuccino, a copy of First-Aid, and her Littman – when she was interrupted by a devastating email from her school asking for her Zoom account information to prepare for the unprecedented move to virtual interviews this application cycle in light of the COVID-19 crisis.

“I was already upset I wouldn’t be able to show my carefully curated ‘Mean Girls’ persona and my fashion sense after this virus took away in-person interviews from me, and now this?! I just assumed remote interviews could take place through my Instagram live feed. What even is Zoom? Is it like Snapchat for ugly people?”

Further hardship awaited after being told Instagram account information isn’t a field in ERAS. “But what have I been working on then? The 260 Step score I got was only to boost my brand online, you know, my future skincare line- ‘Sell-U-Light’. Everyone online says Step score only gets you the interviews, your follower count is what gets you ranked nowadays.”

She reported that she was initially excited to have online interviews on Instagram Live to give her loyal legion of premedical fans an inside look into her fabulous lifestyle, and “generate awareness about my specialty. How else will these kids learn what the life of a dermatologist is like if they can’t see my latest fashion tips? And without my live broadcasts of my beach vacations, how will the PDs know how amazing of a resident I would be!”

Rosa was excited about her summer research plans- “I’ve been working on getting physician influencers to do a ‘collab’ with me.” When Dr. Bot Ox, a prominent Instagram personality, was contacted, he said the main benefit of having med student orbiters was that their noses were so far up his ass that he didn’t need to go for his regular colonoscopies.

Ms. Shea was most upset at the fact that she might not get Figs sponsorship (the new AOA), that she’d been gunning for on social media since the beginning. She pleads with our readership to click on her profile to get 15% off all your retinoid needs!

At the time of this article’s writing, the American College of Dermatology was busy preparing for this upcoming cycle by donating ‘ring-lights’ to all the applicants to make sure they take the brightest, and the best (looking).