TUCSON, AZ – In a move a long time in the making, the ABR (American Board of Radiology) has officially changed their name from “Diagnostic Radiology” to “Suspicious Radiology.” Residents, attendings, and medical students with an aversion to social interaction celebrated by taking a longer sip of their morning coffee and clicked their mouse buttons furiously as a sign of solidarity at 10 AM today.
Now Suspicious Radiologist Dr. Kantruleitout showed extreme excitement towards the name change. “I can finally exhale. No longer am I expected to diagnosis; a differential of 12-14 random possibilities that I googled and found on Aunt Minnie is now sufficient,” Dr. Kantruleitout stated at the time of press release. Clinical correlation suggested, surgical consult warranted, and “You should probably consult everybody” are now being incorporated into ICD-10 coding.
Other radiologists raised their Dictaphones in triumph, celebrating the long talked about change. Words and phrases like “suspicious,” “apparent,” “most likely,” and “possibilities include” are all now part of the templates to cut down on report times and improve efficiently hedging calls.
Dr. Kantruleitout explained that his recommendations for other tests will likely increase ten-fold, and is now recommending PET/CTs for patients with no regard for cost, time, or actual indication of the test. “I don’t want to get sued,” he told us. “How do I know that a 22-year-old healthy male who came in for acute alcohol poisoning doesn’t in fact have metastatic cancer to the liver, causing his alcohol intolerance?”
Internists have completely abandoned ordering chest X-rays, plain films, or ultrasounds based on the amount of hedging done on those exams. Dr. Superdock, a 64-year-old internist was disappointed, however understands the change in nomenclature.
“It’s just a formality at this point,” Dr. Superdock told us in an exclusive interview. “My CXR reads will mention that lungs are present, along with heart and ribs, and any pathology of any kind cannot be ruled out without a CT, MRI, PET/CT all performed within the past 10 minutes.”
Dr. Kantruleitout was attempted to be reached for comment at 3:30 this afternoon for response to Dr. Superdock’s comments, however his automatic email reply suggested “Clinical correlation suggested.”
