NORFOLK, VA – Outrage has erupted from the Colorectal Department of Medi-Ocre Hospital over substandard staff toilet rolls. Professor Daniel Rears has spearheaded this campaign to upgrade the staff’s toilet paper (TP).
“Look, it’s pretty simple for us, we spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week obsessed with our patient’s bowel movements, stranger’s f**king sh*ts. Normally that would be considered a crime!” Rears exclaimed.
“I honestly don’t think it’s too much to ask for double-ply toilet paper. We’re currently wiping with half ply! Half ply! It tears up in your hands for f**k’s sake! It’s only use is in a rectal prolapse, so when it tears up you can feel it and reduce it accordingly… Not that I have a rectal prolapse or anything…”
Dr. Reynold Bhum, a colorectal trainee, strongly opposes this change, stating that “the more exposure I have to feces, the better it is for my training.” Most in the department have ostracized Bhum because he’s weird.
Gomerblog wishes Rears a successful outcome. As far as we’re concerned, we’ll stick to our triple-ply golden TP.
