Finally, A Story About Weiner’s Junk that Gets Him OUT of Trouble

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NEW YORK, NY – Embattled New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner has endured scorching attacks from the media on all sides about his questionable interactions with multiple young ladies who are not his wife and his apparent proclivity to email nude pictures of himself to anyone at the drop of a hat.  How he is still in this race is a question everyone is asking, except for himself and his Hillary Clinton-associated consultant wife.

After a week of revelations about newly discovered “sexting buddies” we are treated to a story with a happy ending (no pun intended).  Thursday afternoon Dr. Beverly Brooks, a Seattle-based dermatologist in private practice, was at her desk eating lunch and browsing several of her favorite news and gossip websites when she happened upon one of the uncensored pictures of Anthony Weiner’s privates.  Startled at first by the sight, she then, with the trained eye of a professional noticed a lesion near the tip of Weiner’s penis.  Zooming in on the region in question Dr. Brooks was sure that she was looking at the early stages of malignant melanoma, a potentially fatal condition linked to sun exposure.

At first she was unsure what to do with her new-found information.  Usually the patient is in the same room at the time of such a diagnosis, but this time Dr. Brooks was not even in the same state.  Several times she called Weiner’s campaign headquarters and said she had a life or death issue to discuss with Mr. Weiner regarding his penis.  But each time the response was the same, someone on the other end yelled, “We got another one!” and hung up.  Worried that this condition would go unrecognized and seal the fate of this politician, Dr. Brooks was finally able to reach the candidate’s chief of staff, who was remarkably open to receiving information about Weiner’s privates.

We are happy to report that after several visits to the office of a prominent New York City dermatologist, Dr. Harry Jacobs, candidate Weiner’s wiener has nothing to worry about, besides the circulating uncensored pictures that threaten his marriage and career.  Weiner thanked Dr. Brooks by tweeting her a picture of his new cancer free penis.

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