sponge bath
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CARY, NC – In a bold and unprecedented move to increase patient satisfaction scores, administrators at Our Lady of Chronic Narcotic Dependence Hospital outside Raleigh now require nursing staff to provide a “happy ending” after they bathe every inpatient.

sponge bath
Reimbursement should improve with more satisfied patients

This move comes after the Raleigh News and Observer ranked OLCNDH dead last among area hospitals in patient satisfaction.  A new patient satisfaction initiative was needed.

Jamie Tomlinson, RN, BSN, MSN, JD, MPH, who serves as Assistant Vice-President to The Grand Emperor of Patient Safety and Satisfaction at OLCNDH, was reached by GomerBlog for comment: “This hospital has heard the wake-up call, loud and clear.”

“In addition to beginning a long overdue valet-parking service, we contracted Wolfgang Puck to custom design our turkey sandwiches.  Any hospital could have made those moves, so we knew we needed something extra.  The “Happy-Ending Bed Bath” goes well beyond any previous level of hospital customer service.  Patients are looking forward to their baths like never before.“

Tomlinson went on to explain that males over 60 were premedicated with Viagra, Levitra, or Cialis, regardless of whether they were taking nitrates for chest pain or unstable angina.  Female patients are offered a glass of red or white wine prior to their bath.  The wines are billed as French Bordeaux and Napa Chardonnay, but are rumored to taste eerily similar to Sutter Home.

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  • Kenneth Arthur

    Stephen Lazar

  • Rachael Solmonsen

    No.

  • Jo H Rina

    Gonna barf.

  • Kristi MacKenzie Isrow

    Yep. I just aspirated.

  • Anonymous

    Lol..seriously is that where all this is headed?..bed, bath and beyond?!

  • Adam Cavanaugh

    It was beautifully done. I’m not looking forward to this entering my scope of practice

  • Robert Nordby

    I saw this cumming.

  • Wanda Gonzalez

    Some of my patients would disagree with you Sir! Lol

  • Kendra Hughes

    I bet this job gets dumped onto the CNAs. He he he

  • Adam Cavanaugh

    http://www.secreta.se/ already a thing. Watch the video on the site

  • Lillah Grinnell

    Ashley Martella

  • Alma Martinez

    “Unit clerk! Please call the sex therapist for a treatment. The patient in room 6 has an order for H.E. bath prn for feelings of dissatisfaction.”

  • Monica McKnight

    lol Linda Kellie Stephanie Dulay Debbie Anderson Walker Schlundt

  • Diane Sparano

    Oh! SO not in my scope of practice!

  • Melissa Coco

    Kris Rondeau. Lol!!!

  • Jeff Withmaintenance

    Our Lady of Chronic Narcotic Dependence Hospital, nice. Sounds like a place where it would proper to use your rig ( syringe) with your pinky up.

  • Jansen Alburger

    Seems the way of it

  • Courtney Paradise

    Travis Klein

  • Taylor Hellstrom

    I knew that wasn’t for real but the idea is just ridiculous ha

  • Taylor Hellstrom

    I knew that wasn’t for real but the idea is just ridiculous ha

  • Eric Schmadel

    Bed bath and beyond.

  • Dr. Pablo Pistola

    though an unintended consequence of this is that patient’s will be given #HappyEnding satisfaction scores #ItNeverEnds

  • Rosell Bradshaw

    WTF! So glad I work in surgery

  • Jolene Sutton Riley

    And a mint on the pillow

  • Anonymous

    Jessica Hyatt Nancy Herrera Alxia Dominguez Kristy Arriola Ross M Cowan Abby Jones Matthew Pagliaro Sandi Maldonado Cassi Mogford Morgan Muhl Starr Sarah Volgamore Laprise

  • Cindy Mueller

    Anne Doyle there is a hospital in Florida that gives out fresh made cookies

  • Taylor Hellstrom

    That’s sick … Maybe just bathing everyone first would be a nice start we barely do that

  • Jennifer Pacheco Catalan

    lol, they better open the 4th floor again….we’re gonna be busy!

  • Sarah Louise

    Lol!!!!

  • Paul Lawler

    The catheters my pose a problem…

  • Kristin Pauline

    Eric Conklin

  • Lisa Kissinger Dausman

    Dawn Dumar Engelbart, Elizabeth Olley, Amy Deschler, Cindy Honore….. Things could be soooooo much worse!! ;)

  • Freida Fontenot

    Who thought of this idea should be rolling up their selves and giving baths 7 days a week 12 hour shifts. How ridiculous. Patient satisfaction scores , really!!!!

  • Saad Mohammad

    Will this be handled by acute pain service or palliative care?

  • Evette Clay

    I want to be a pt there!

  • Elaine Inman Williamson
  • Lynna Choy

    We love you long time….

  • Nicholas Rego

    Lol Jennifer

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