Newly Promoted General Surgeon’s Business Cards, A Little Too True

  • 30
10,000 Asses
10,000 asses

LOS ANGELES, CA – UCLA’s newly promoted general surgeon, Assistant Professor William Heffner, just received his updated business cards today.  An unfortunate error in spacing caused much controversy.  Due to the lack of room and total allowable characters, Nancy, his secretary, abbreviated Assistant causing the new Ass to be word-wrapped up to the previous line.

“I never hit enter on the template I sent in.  They called and said there wasn’t enough room, so I said just abbreviate Assistant.  Now the cards read Dr. William Heffner Ass.”  The new cards are a hit with medical students and residents.  “We hand them out to everyone in clinic, after surgery, and on the street.  Dr. Heffner thinks we really believe in his minimally invasive techniques.”

Dr. Heffner is known in the hospital as a self-proclaimed world expert at minimally invasive surgery.  He is known to make residents stand in the corner of the OR, all scrubbed-in, if they answer his pimp questions incorrectly.  He also speaks loudly during surgery, continually talking how great his technique looks.

“Karma has spoken and the truth is now in print,” a resident, who wishes to remain anonymous, told reporters.

Dr. Heffner demanded that 10,000 cards be ordered because patients will “ask for two or three.”  Chief resident Karl Summers bought his secretary lunch for a week under the agreement she would never say anything to Dr. Heffner.

  • Show Comments

  • Gomerblog

    Good catch! his ass has many levels :-)

  • Kim Reneau
    Kim Reneau

    Am I the only one that sees that he’s MIS Ass?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

medical app

Popular Social App Tinder to Launch Hospital Version Called Hinder

1.6KSharesGiven the overwhelming success of its popular social discovery app, Tinder founders are excited ...

Chiropractor With No Education on Vaccines, Confident They’re Bad

297SharesPALMER, IA – David Dunning-Krüger is one of the best chiropactors he knows. In ...

Pseudoseizure: Please Practice Before Coming to the ED

12.1KSharesMILWAUKEE, WI – Emergency department staff at Elm Grove Methodist Medical Center thoroughly enjoyed the ...

confused resident

AAP Announces New Screening Tool for Resident Developmental Delays

464Shares OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has responded to a request ...