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Narcan, Satan's Antidote
No Narcan!  Just bag me!

SEATTLE, WA – Emergency medical services (EMS) told reporters yesterday that they received another call to Ned Smith’s residence, a local ER frequent flyer, after neighbors reported abnormally abnormal behavior.  When a 9-1-1 operator gets a call on Mr. Smith they just call EMS.  “He is very well known to local medical personnel,” a source confirmed.

Nurse Susan Williams, who works in the local ER, told reporters, “Oh, yeah Ned?  Just about every three days we see him.  It’s always an overdose of some opioid.  IV to pills, you name it, he’s done it.  He is known to all the EM residents as ‘Narcan Ned.'”

Narcan, generic naloxone, is an antidote to narcotic medication.  When someone consumes an abundance of narcotics (heroin, oxycontin, morphine, etc.) they can become sedated and eventually stop breathing. Narcan reverses these effects, along with the “high” within minutes of administration.

When Narcan Ned was picked by EMS, who was trying to save his life and debating whether-or-not to intubate him, in a mumbled voice he told them, “Don’t give me Narcannnn!! mahm moo ugha.”

EMS did not honor his wishes.

Once Narcan was given, Narcan Ned bolted upright quickly and began to cuss out each EMS personnel one by one.

“Yes, he knew all our names,” one of the medics named Carl told GomerBlog.  “What really bothered us was that he not only used our names, but he had personal information about us.  He started to threaten all our spouses and children, name by name.”

Carl was one of the medics that pushed Narcan so he received an extra helping from Ned.  “He said my little Chloe was terrible at soccer and she would never score a goal!  Thanks, Ned, you are welcome for saving your life.”

Ned seemed to have been listening to everyone’s conversations over the years while riding in the back of the ambulance.

Once Narcan Ned got to the ER he left AMA at the first chance he had before filling out a negative patient satisfaction survey.  “We will probably see him again tonight, might as well take that ambulance and follow him home,” Janet the ER charge nurse said as she huffed and rolled her eyes.


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