9TH RING, HELL – Johnathon Knochasilver, known for his famous invention The Call Light, passed away last year from ironically not being able to call for help when he was choking on his hospital food. A tragic case but mixed emotions from many health care personnel around the world.
From across the river Styx we bring updated news on Knochasilver. Initial reports quote him as saying, “It’s great here in the 9th Ring! I’m having the time of my life.”
The 9th Ring, reserved for those that have committed treachery against their fellow man, is not a welcoming place. Most people are hung up and contorted every which way. It is the closest ring to Satan’s quarters, which means they receive the most torture. Satan told reporters, “I have tried everything on this guy.” The Dark Lord sounded surprised. “I have never met anyone like him.”
Lucifer went on to tell reporters he tapped Knochasilver as an assistant. “He seemed to enjoy bothering people incessantly so I gave him the hell equivalent of what you would call a pager. I’ll just press a button and a light will flash and beep on his belt. He’ll then come to me for a new pestering job.”
Knochasilver was very honored to be an assistant to someone so important.
“Such an honor, I have been working very hard for him.” He denied the tasks he was assigned were “torture” and more of a “necessary evil, no pun intended.” “There is an overall plan and…” Right then during the press conference his “hell beeper light” went off. “Oh, boy he needs me AGAIN! This thing goes off like every three to five minutes. It’s starting to get a little an-noy-ing,” Mr. Knochasilver gave a long pause. “Oh, I get it now…”