MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Rebekah Harris had her nursing license suspended indefinitely on Tuesday when administrators learned she ordered her ICU patient the incorrect sandwich.  “She delivered a ham sandwich, to the patient that clearly wanted a turkey sandwich,” said hospital administrator Dennis Johnson.  “We have a zero-tolerance policy for terrible customer service.”

ham club sandwhich
Ham. What is this, prison?

The patient in question, Charles Rodman, has no allergy or ham intolerance, just medical documentation for craving a turkey sandwich with lettuce, tomato, and mustard, hold the mayo.  Curly fries too.  Simple order.

“I clearly documented what my patient wanted to eat in my note’s assessment and plan; we also go over this on rounds,” critical care physician Dr. James Samson told reporters.  “I have no clue how this got screwed up.”

The patient is a frequent flyer, a well-known typical drunk who comes to the ER intoxicated saying he will kill himself, so he spends the night, and gets a meal, only to leave AMA in the morning.  His complaints went straight to the top.

Sources close to Rebekah express concern over her error.  “We found her in her apartment starring, and repeating: ‘5 Rights of Food Administration’… Ah, she is a mess.”

Now that hospitals are reimbursed based on patient satisfaction scores, issues that seem trivial can now make or break a career.  Nursing directors were in full support stating, “If we don’t suspend these nurses’ licenses, they will never learn what’s truly important.”

“Listen, in the ICU you need to watch three to four patients at a time and the ones that can fill out comment cards you have to be on top of their every need.  That intubated patient can’t fill out a survey for weeks so his dopamine drip can wait,” Rebekah’s supervisor said.

“Put the medication order on hold and get on the phone with the cafeteria if you have to, in order to get a flippin’ turkey sandwich with curly fries!”

Lord Lockwell
Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.