Surgeon Struggles to Carve Turkey at Thanksgiving

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DES MOINES, IA – Thanksgiving has finally arrived and is in full swing across the country.  Millions of dysfunctional families get together for a celebration that involves giving thanks, food comas, gluttony, beer, and football.  Sounds great for most people, right?  Thanksgiving happens to be the most dreaded holiday for general surgeon, Dr. Mary Dennis, but you’ll never guess why…

Thanksgiving, what a stressful holiday?
Turkey Carving Trauma?  You aren’t alone

Dr. Dennis has an immense phobia of carving turkeys.

“It all stems from a Thanksgiving incident 10 years ago,” said Dennis.  “Once the family found out that I was going to be a surgeon, they forced me to carve the turkey.”  Dennis actually shed a tear as she told GomerBlog some of the comments from her family.

“‘Get Mary in here!  She is going to be a surgeon ya know.’ was a common one.  Another was, ‘Start practicing your butchering skills now Mary, hahahaha!'”

“The pressure was intense,” as Dennis described her first turkey carving.  “I accidentally slipped under the pressure and sliced a vein on my hand.  Blood ran all over the turkey and in the heat of the moment, I flipped the turkey off the table.  Thanksgiving was ruined.”

The jokes that followed have caused Dennis to suffer from PTSD: Post Turkey Stress Disorder.  “Are you sure you want to be a surgeon?” or “What hospital do you work at again?” and “I hope you treat your patients better than turkeys!” were comments all too common for Dennis.

Since the tragic incident, Dennis usually tries to time the turkey carving with her going to the bathroom, her beeper going off, or taking a phone call outside, all to avoid carving.  “I have avoided carving turkeys for 10 years now, but the jokes never end.”

Dennis has entered intensive turkey carving cognitive behavioral therapy class, and she is going to step up to the plate again for the first time in 10 years.  “I can take an appendix out in 5 minutes, a gallbladder in 10 minutes.  Deep down I know I can carve a turkey!” proclaimed Dennis.

GomerBlog will be there firsthand at the Dennis household to report on her turkey carving today.  Stay tuned!

  • Show Comments

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    The Happy Hospitalist Blog

    Post Turkey Stress Disorder? LOL!

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom


  • Avatar
    Nick Angelis

    Can he sew it back up at the end of the day?

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