Fertilized Hipster Egg Decides Uterus “Just Not My Style,” Moves to Abdomen

  • 225

hipsterBlastocystABDOMEN, FEMALE PATIENT – Yesterday, a recently-fertilized hipster egg decided that the uterus “just wasn’t my style” and it squeaked out towards the abdomen to find a better place to settle down.

“Yeah, the uterus is just so cliché, I wanted to be different,” said the fertilized egg.  “Oh and please refer to me as blastocyst now, I’ve earned that respect.

“I mean we are told all of our life, okay, when you get set free out of the ovary, meet up with a nice strong spermie and then settle down with a house and a picket yolk sac in the uterus… I just wasn’t ready for that commitment.”

The hipster blastocyst went on to say, “There is nothing to do in the burbs, I mean, uterus, except just dividing.  The lack of other organs nearby for my placenta is just pitiful.  I just wanted to be attached to other organs, so I left.”

The abdomen turned out to be a perfect place for the newly-fertilized egg.  It latched onto some bowel which was a direct source for getting nutrients, and was better at holding a conversation than the uterus.  “Yeah, it complained a lot more than uterus, so we got along.”  Blastocyst elaborated, “I just can’t get enough of this peristalsis.  Way better than uterine cramping.”

“There is so much more square footage and I don’t feel as locked down,” said blastocyst.  “I plan to have my placenta spread out over multiple organs so I can get whatever I need.”  Blastocyst was referring to the liver, spleen, fallopian tubes, ovaries, large bowel, pancreas, and stomach as other placental attachment points.

Meanwhile outside of the abdomen, OB/GYNs at Mercy Hospital were running around wildly and cursing this ectopic and looking for a way to transfer the patient somewhere… anywhere else besides Mercy Hospital.

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Peggy Cornelison

    The uterus is like so 2006. That scene is done. AbDo is the trendy new neighborhood.

  • Avatar

    Rumor has it there is $500 in there. Get a scope

  • Avatar

    S**t, man, I was living in the abdomen WAY before it got so mainstream.

  • Avatar

    Hipster Blastocyst doesn’t care, she does what she wants!

  • Avatar
    Peggy Cornelison

    Yeah then I get called to evict you at 11 pm on a Saturday night. Thanks!

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

65.8 Million Americans Offer to Donate Ribs to Ruth Bader Ginsburg

20.4KSharesWASHINGTON, D.C. – One day after Republicans gained at least 2 seats in the Senate, ...

usmle exam

10 Practical USMLE Board Study Tips

483SharesStudying for and taking the USMLE can be stressful. Here are 10 tips to ...

Totally Unclear Murky Liquid DietTotally Unclear Murky Liquid Diet

Patient Put on Totally Unclear, Very Murky Liquid Diet

161SharesAUSTIN, TX – Seeking to ruffle some feathers by going against the usual progression ...

pins not needles

Patient Insists It Feels Like Pins Not Needles

331SharesAUSTIN, TX – An unusual case has arisen in the Lone Star state, as ...