NEW ORLEANS, LA – A multicenter observational study last year reviewed millions of ER visits and found that ER visits are down 72% when it rains. The current hypothesis is that rain either has a healing effect or a protective effect.
The study did find a link between rain and ER visits across the board in every single ER in the study. Some people believe that the rain has a protective effect and keeps people from injuring themselves. Others speculate that the rain may actually cure.
The most dramatic observation was that ER pain related visits decreased 85%, which leads one to believe that rain may have some mu receptor agonism like other opioids.
“My initial morphine conversion chart puts one hour of rain equivalent to about 8 mg IV of morphine,” said pain physician Dr. Amanda Drubbins. “Simply incredible, especially if the only side effect is getting wet.”
One local ER has considered putting up a 20-yard rain cloud tent outside of its facility to see if it has a similar effect as rain from the sky. “Hopefully the rain tent outside the entrance will have a similar effect to when it is raining outside,” said EM nurse Ken Waterston. “Have you ever gone outside when it’s raining if you were sick? We theorize it would cure you.”
“During cooperation with our colleagues from the Midwest, we learned that they not only notice a decrease in visits when it rains but also when it snows,” Dr. George told reporters. He then implied any precipitation from the sky would universally benefit patients.
Looking at the numbers from deep within the Amazon rain forest, it has been confirmed that people just don’t visit the ER as much as when it is raining. In fact the rainforest ER rate was actually 0%.
Tulane physicians are writing STAT orders for patients to move immediately outside when it rains, in hope that rain will cure their disease. Liver transplant surgeon, Dr. Carlson, thinks he will perform his next liver transplant outside in the rain to increase his success rate.
Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows agrees. “People think my lyrics on rain are a metaphor, but I’ve been trying to get the word out on this wonder drug.”