I will not go home until I get to the bottom of this non-specific 10/10 pain
I will not go home until I get to the bottom of this non-specific 10/10 pain

LANCASTER, IL – Local resident, Shirley Homes, came to St. Joe’s Emergency Room with a shocking complaint: she was in pain.  This emergency pain occurring to Ms. Homes has been reoccurring for the past 12 years +/- 3 months.  This is surprising to many of her care takers because, per her history, she has one of the “highest pain tolerances in the country.”

“I am in pain and I have a very high pain tolerance,” said the woman who has such a high pain tolerance that al-Qaeda could never pry information out of her using torture techniques, or so she claims.

Shirley has been in pain for the past few years and her pain source has completely baffled most physicians.  “I have no idea what could be causing this pain,” Dr. Watkins told reporters.  “She has such a high pain tolerance – she told me herself – and to have such high pain scores night after night… and for her to come to the Emergency Room, as this is an EMERGENCY, well it keeps me up at night.”

With nonspecific symptoms and 10/10 pain, she will head to the ER with her flare ups.  However, she is sure to let all know from ER receptionist, to the triage nurse, to the doctor that her 10/10 pain is equivalent to an 18/10 pain for most others.

Doctors think her long allergy list could be linked to her unknown syndrome, which in turn is causing her pain.  “We have contacted many specialists across the country.  What IgE-mediated disease would cause so many allergies and so much pain?  I’ll have my medical students look that one up tonight.  This new disease makes fibromyalgia seem like a walk in the park.”

For now doctors, including Dr. Rogers, are happy Dilaudid helps her pain.  “What are we going to do when this, well whatever it is, starts to become resistant to Dilaudid?  We’ll have a super-pain problem on our hands then.  Just pray that day never comes.”

Dr. Rogers and ER physicians are optimistic regarding her complicated case.  “I’m just happy she tells me up front that she has a high pain tolerance.  It helps me really understand the picture.  She also saves me a lot of time by informing me of the only medication the works for her: the one that starts with a D.”

Lord Lockwell
Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.