$1.3 Billion Saved by Eliminating Common Greetings in Patient Encounters Claim Managed Care Administrators

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NEWPORT, RI – Managed care administrators have calculated that if physicians eliminate common greetings towards patients in the exam room, savings could mount in the billions.  Common greetings such as “How are you doing?” or “Good day to you, what is new in your life?” tend to bog physicians down in several minutes of unnecessary chatter, according to administrators.

Dr. Smith here, you have cancer

“We have calculated that common greetings in the exam room typically lead to on average 2.6 minutes of wasteful talk,” said Robert Witherspoon, a hospital consultant.  “The open-ended questions allow patients to discuss almost anything including how their son or daughter is doing at college, new job prospects, etc.  This is wasted time that cuts into coding time and documentation.  ICD 10.2 doesn’t have a code for a patient’s children or hobbies.”

Administrators are recommending physicians drop common greetings, enter the room and just say, “What is your medical problem today?”  According to their research, the patients will start talking about medical problems within 10 seconds instead of 2.6 minutes.

Saving 2.6 minutes per patient per doctor will lead to over an hour per doctor in saved time per day.  Multiply that by tens of thousands of primary care doctors and the savings and potential revenue is in the billions.  Once coding skills improve, primary care doctors will be able to see an extra 10 patients per day on top of their already scheduled 30-40 patients.

“Doctors will be so ecstatic to help even more patients!  They became doctors to help people and once they realize they can see more patients a day, not one will complain,” Mr. Witherspoon told reporters with enthusiasm.  “Care needs to be centered around what is billable and what isn’t.  Pleasantries aren’t billable and don’t belong in medicine!”

Some facilities are planning to send in robots to data collect and deliver information and detailed instructions to patients.  Studies indicate that patients are less likely to ask questions or talk about Johnny at college to a robot, than to a human.  The goal is to eliminate all non-billable events that occur during a doctor’s appointment.

  • Doktor Schnabel

    Plague doctor from 1622 who practices blood letting and medical satire. My beak has mint leaves and straw to protect myself from the plague...plus it looks good.

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    Lynn Norton McLeran

    hello, do you people understand this is a satire site? Satire with a tablespoon of irony and a pinch of truth in every post!

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    C Blaise Mitsutama

    Gomerblog is like “The Onion” of medicine. It’s satire, folks.

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    What are your thoughts on this terrible idea,?

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    @CrazyRxMan Why don’t you just put a robot in the room then.

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    Anne Maxwell

    Wasteful talk? Really?

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    Harold Arthur Fowler

    Pokoknya Harold jadi penggemar setia postingan Gomerblog. Jadi slalu setia hadir untuk like n koment..ixixix.

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    Patti Pitman-Fisher


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    Kathie White

    Oh good grief!

  • Avatar
    Harold Arthur Fowler

    Ampek jempol kriting tetep stia coment di status Gomerblog

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