ST. LOUIS, MO – Outpatient care sources are reporting that Sacred Heart Hospital CEO David Larson III really helped out during clinic today.
“Dave really went the extra mile,” said clinic nurse Wilma Doggins. “He was our little Energizer bunny – checking in patients, typing up H&P’s with the interns, even wiping down the examining tables. We finished an hour early. Clinic sure was a breeze with him around!”
According to front desk clerk Eddie Mills, Larson hopped right out of the back seat of his Bentley at 8:55 AM, whipped off his Hugo Boss jacket, rolled up his Armani sleeves, then started taking vitals and doing room to room dipsticks and guaiacs.
“And he had a smile on his face the whole time,” said Mills. “I don’t think he even has any medical training, so I was pretty surprised at how efficient he was. Man, the patients loved him.”
Clinic patient Leonard Jacobson, who was seen today by Larson for chronic hepatitis, agreed. “I didn’t know there were CEOs at hospitals, since they ain’t really, you know, businesses or whatever? But I guess if all executives are as good at taking care of patients as Dave is, we should try to get a whole bunch of CEO’s!”
“I’ve never had a more gentle rectal exam,” added Jacobson.
The 58 year-old Larson, who holds an MBA from Wharton and earns a salary in excess of $2.8 million, also assists at the pediatric and chronic pain clinics, routinely replaces hand sanitizer in the ward dispensers, and rounds with the cardiac surgery team at 6 AM on Saturdays.
“I heard he scrubbed in to retract on a liver transplant last week,” reported scrub tech Shelton Connors. “And that was a nine-hour case. Actually, he’s in the OR so much he’s starting to tick off the medical students.”
Larson could not be reached for comment at press time, as he was busy preparing lunch in the hospital cafeteria.