Report: Hospital CEO Was a Big Help in Clinic Today

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ST. LOUIS, MO – Outpatient care sources are reporting that Sacred Heart Hospital CEO David Larson III really helped out during clinic today.

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Synergy is key.  Wiping butts and synergy.

“Dave really went the extra mile,” said clinic nurse Wilma Doggins.  “He was our little Energizer bunny – checking in patients, typing up H&P’s with the interns, even wiping down the examining tables.  We finished an hour early.  Clinic sure was a breeze with him around!”

According to front desk clerk Eddie Mills, Larson hopped right out of the back seat of his Bentley at 8:55 AM, whipped off his Hugo Boss jacket, rolled up his Armani sleeves, then started taking vitals and doing room to room dipsticks and guaiacs.

“And he had a smile on his face the whole time,” said Mills.  “I don’t think he even has any medical training, so I was pretty surprised at how efficient he was.  Man, the patients loved him.”

Clinic patient Leonard Jacobson, who was seen today by Larson for chronic hepatitis, agreed.  “I didn’t know there were CEOs at hospitals, since they ain’t really, you know, businesses or whatever?  But I guess if all executives are as good at taking care of patients as Dave is, we should try to get a whole bunch of CEO’s!”

“I’ve never had a more gentle rectal exam,” added Jacobson.

The 58 year-old Larson, who holds an MBA from Wharton and earns a salary in excess of $2.8 million, also assists at the pediatric and chronic pain clinics, routinely replaces hand sanitizer in the ward dispensers, and rounds with the cardiac surgery team at 6 AM on Saturdays.

“I heard he scrubbed in to retract on a liver transplant last week,” reported scrub tech Shelton Connors.  “And that was a nine-hour case.  Actually, he’s in the OR so much he’s starting to tick off the medical students.”

Larson could not be reached for comment at press time, as he was busy preparing lunch in the hospital cafeteria.

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    As a fourteen month-old infant and licensed surgeon, the Punky-Looking Kiddo offers a truly unique perspective on the worlds of healthcare and modern medicine. With a combination of both wit and humor, he...oh wait. I just crapped myself. And I'm hungry. SOMEONE PICK ME UP!

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  • Avatar
    Mary Turner

    Said no one ever, lol!!

  • Avatar
    Mary Turner

    Said no one ever, lol!!

  • Avatar
    Mary Turner

    Said no one ever, lol!!

  • Avatar
    Mary Turner

    Said no one ever, lol!!

  • Avatar
    Mary Turner

    Said no one ever, lol!!

  • Avatar
    Paula Draper

    Renee Garcia

  • Avatar
    Paula Draper

    Renee Garcia

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Mary Ransom

    LMAO

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Liz Blackmore Winders

    Bwahahaha, wish I could share but dare not.

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Maria Hansen Lewis

    Haha! You get paid that much at the hospital that us what you should be doing!

  • Avatar
    Jim Archut

    Lucky, I’ll bet this gives sarcasm a whole new name!

  • Avatar
    Jim Archut

    Lucky, I’ll bet this gives sarcasm a whole new name!

  • Avatar
    Jeremy Strauss

    Having worked on business deals with doctors, be glad they aren’t CEOs. Pretty much every hospital would be broke within a month and all documentation would be long gone.

  • Avatar
    Jeremy Strauss

    Having worked on business deals with doctors, be glad they aren’t CEOs. Pretty much every hospital would be broke within a month and all documentation would be long gone.

  • Avatar
    Karen Macias

    Hahahaha!!!

  • Avatar
    Karen Macias

    Hahahaha!!!

  • Avatar
    Karen Macias

    Hahahaha!!!

  • Avatar
    Karen Macias

    Hahahaha!!!

  • Avatar
    Karen Macias

    Hahahaha!!!

  • Avatar
    Karen Macias

    Hahahaha!!!

  • Avatar
    Karen Macias

    Hahahaha!!!

  • Avatar
    Tammy Tyler

    Still laughing.

  • Avatar
    Tammy Tyler

    Still laughing.

  • Avatar
    Lydia Hellickson

    The title alone made me LOL

  • Avatar
    Lydia Hellickson

    The title alone made me LOL

  • Avatar
    Lynn Abraham Masih

    I liked the “gentlest rectal exam”. Excellent.

  • Avatar
    Lynn Abraham Masih

    I liked the “gentlest rectal exam”. Excellent.

  • Avatar
    Deborah Giorgi-Hayes

    Hahahaha….

  • Avatar
    Deborah Giorgi-Hayes

    Hahahaha….

  • Avatar
    Kendall Brooke Lambert

    Ahahahahhaah!

  • Avatar
    Kendall Brooke Lambert

    Ahahahahhaah!

  • Avatar
    Danny Williamson

    I loved the stepping out of his Bentley part.

  • Avatar
    Danny Williamson

    I loved the stepping out of his Bentley part.

  • Avatar
    Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    Putting someone in charge of a hospital who has never cared for patients? Yep, BRILLIANT!
    ;-)

  • Avatar
    Robin Fahringer Mitchell Machajewski

    Putting someone in charge of a hospital who has never cared for patients? Yep, BRILLIANT!
    ;-)

  • Avatar
    Susan Bartmon

    Bwahahaha!

  • Avatar
    Susan Bartmon

    Bwahahaha!

  • Avatar
    Jamal A. Qureshi

    Mushir Bin Hassan

  • Avatar
    Jamal A. Qureshi

    Mushir Bin Hassan

  • Avatar
    Cam Vessels

    “I didn’t know there were CEO’s at hospitals, since they ain’t really, you know, businesses or whatever?” LMAO

  • Avatar
    Cam Vessels

    “I didn’t know there were CEO’s at hospitals, since they ain’t really, you know, businesses or whatever?” LMAO

  • Avatar
    Robert Rau

    Ceo, do we have one? Really?

  • Avatar
    Robert Rau

    Ceo, do we have one? Really?

  • Avatar
    Nicole Talbot

    Sophie Bennett! too funny!

  • Avatar
    Nicole Talbot

    Sophie Bennett! too funny!

  • Avatar
    Vicky Woodruff Dison

    Thanks for the laugh to start what is building up to be a ducky day in OR. No CEO to retract for us.

  • Avatar
    Vicky Woodruff Dison

    Thanks for the laugh to start what is building up to be a ducky day in OR. No CEO to retract for us.

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