common cold

Antibiotic Cures Common Cold Virus

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PHOENIX, AZ – Doctors in Arizona have discovered a revolutionary cure to the common cold.  On October 1, John Sniffles entered the emergency department at Valley Hospital.  After a seven-hour wait, he was seen by the physician assistant on duty.  John described his symptoms as a runny nose, cough, and fatigue.

common cold
“Z-Paks always work on my colds 3-4 days later”

“I felt as though I was on the verge of death.  I blew my nose at least five times that day and coughed nearly seven times.  I thought it was the end for me, especially when my tissue was pink.”

The physician assistant looked at the completely normal vitals and did a head, neck, and respiratory exam.  After his 42-second exam, he concluded, “John you have a cold, it will resolve over the next week, give or take a few days.”

The patient replied, “What antibiotic are you going to give me for this?”

“None.  Colds are caused by viruses.  Antibiotics won’t help,” the physician assistant stated.  “You can take some DayQuil during the day and NyQuil at night.”  John was discharged and hopelessly walked out and returned home, but not before buying some DayQuil at a local pharmacy.

One hour of taking a dose of DayQuil, John decided he was not feeling any better and gave up and drove to Our Lady of Peace Hospital.  He checked in and again told the physician on duty, Dr. Phil Yourmeds, his symptoms.  Eager to get the patient out of his emergency room, Dr. Yourmeds wrote a prescription for a Z-Pak and discharged the patient.

Several days later, John returned to Our Lady of Peace to let Dr. Yourmeds know that he was cured.  “After five days of symptoms, I feel so much better!  You are a miracle worker.”

With word of this discovery getting out, Dr. Yourmeds had an exclusive interview with GomerBlog.  “It appears we now have a cure for the common cold.  After millions of dollars on research and countless clinic trials, we now have a solution to this seemingly self-limited illness.  Who would have really thought that antibiotics were in fact the answer!”

Dr. Yourmeds went on to say, “It would be too much of a coincidence for this patient, John Sniffles, to have gotten over this illness in the time it took him to finish this medication.  I believe this drug may be attacking the viral capsid.  I will be informing the Centers for Disease Control to start implementing the use of Z-Paks as protocol for treating colds.  No longer will Z-Paks be used as a placebo to get annoying patients out of hospitals across this great country simply to raise Press Ganey scores.”

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  • Avatar
    Mary W. Studious

    Yup. With such easy net access, patients are “brighter” than ever. Give them some PO abx. Comon…..

  • Avatar
    Coretta Elizabeth

    I love the sarcastic replies! :) sarcasm for sarcasm right:)

  • Avatar
    Ojas Naik

    Funny cuz it’s sadly true.

  • Avatar
    Lorie Wallis Ashwood

    LOLOL

  • Avatar
    Zac Failes

    Michael Fulton Nicola Borgatti

  • Avatar
    Leann Martin

    Thank you, Gomerblog, for shining a light on best practice for all healthcare providers. ;)

  • Avatar
    Adrian Vince Castelli

    I’m just gagging for a patient to bring a printout of this to my room.

    We’ll have a good laugh together.

  • Avatar
    Brian Lee

    I doubt it.

  • Avatar
    Tina Yabba Dabba Do

    Lmaof

  • Avatar
    Denise Strother

    People are going to think this is true

  • Avatar
    Jillian Lau

    Ppl realise it’s satire?

  • Avatar
    Kelly Healy

    Leigh Slater

  • Avatar
    Michelle Doyle

    Jillian Lau, should have given this talk at midge :p

  • Avatar
    Lyssa Zimmerman

    LOL! At least they found a use for the Zpak since it’s ineffective for everything my family has ever had it Rx’d for ;) Oh wait…maybe that’s why’s it’s ineffective for everything else…

  • Avatar
    Barbara Alcorn

    Most upper resp stuff is caused by viruses. And yes I ment a cold

  • Avatar
    Meg Machamer

    There’s a difference between a cold and “upper respiratory stuff,” which I assume you are referring to an upper respiratory infection. Upper respiratory infections are usually caused by a bacteria, not a virus. And yes, I’m a nurse.

  • Avatar
    Dian Adkins

    I appreciate this type of information you are posting. Interesting and informative

  • Avatar
    Dian Adkins

    I appreciate this type of information you are posting. Interesting and informative

  • Avatar
    April Renegar

    Bahahaha!!

  • Avatar
    April Renegar

    Bahahaha!!

  • Avatar
    Mary W. Studious

    Patients have always known this. It’s the medical community that has to catch up.

  • Avatar
    Jan Fenstermaker Heine

    Too funny…especially the description of the symptoms.

  • Avatar
    Rebecca Sentman

    Ana you need to rethink your whole stance now.

  • Avatar
    Tara Martin Jackson

    Jennifer Oelke Busby

  • Avatar
    Heather Miller

    That, presumably, some Dr prescribed…..

  • Avatar
    Heather Miller

    That, presumably, some Dr prescribed…..

  • Avatar
    Barbara Alcorn

    Sadly I see lots of nurses taking abx for upper resp stuff

  • Avatar
    Barbara Alcorn

    Sadly I see lots of nurses taking abx for upper resp stuff

  • Avatar
    Kat Moore

    Hahaha

  • Avatar
    Kat Moore

    Hahaha

  • Avatar
    Danette Dutra

    To funny

  • Avatar
    Danette Dutra

    To funny

  • Avatar
    Nadia Amanullah Khan

    I hope none of my patients take it seriously :/

  • Avatar
    Rebecca Brand

    Lolol

  • Avatar
    Freddie Earl Kency Jr.

    I Always New Years Of Research Were Wrong!!!!

  • Avatar
    Danielle Mary

    Kristi

  • Avatar
    Rocco Leach

    John sniffles. Ha

  • Avatar
    Brandt Whitehurst

    More research is needed to determine its effectiveness against Ebola…

  • Avatar
    James M Wilson

    Chris
    Ben
    Ben
    Mo
    Freddie
    Dan
    Ryan

  • Avatar
    Teresa Gaiser

    Finally!

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