FDA Approves FUROSESONEROLAQUINOX for Undifferentiated Dyspnea

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – To the delight of emergency physicians across the country, the Food and Drug Administration has approved the use of a new drug which combines 5 commonly-used medications to treat acute dyspnea.

“And I’ll just pretend I’m listening to you quickly”

FUROSESONEROLAQUINOX™ combines 40 mg of Lasix, 120 mg of Solu-Medrol, 10 mg of albuterol, 750 mg of Levaquin, and 100 mg of Lovenox.  It is given in a pre-mixed IV bag and infused over an hour.

Dr.  Dewey Wilson, an emergency physician in Dallas, sings the new drug’s praises.  “Up until now, ER doctors had to go through this mental masturbation when an elderly patient with a history of COPD, CHF, and DVT/PE rolled into the ER on the EMS stretcher, huffing and puffing to breathe.  It could take hours to sort it all out.  It typically required dozes of ancillary tests, and occasionally a review of records or even a stethoscope.

“Now, when granny rolls in working to breathe with age > O2 sats, I just order one drug and call the hospitalist.  We have even hard-wired it into our EMR so that when the drug is ordered, an ECG, chest-ray, chemistries, CBC, troponin, and BNP are automatically ordered for the admitting team.  All the bases are covered, and I can get on to evaluating patients who could conceivably be discharged.

“Plus, today’s patients aren’t interested in quality as much as they are convenience.  They would much rather run the risk of being treated for diseases they don’t actually have if it means less time spent in the ER.  We all know that modern medicine is about patient satisfaction and not the provision of appropriate care, so it’s really a win/win for patients and physicians.”

  • Jake Ho

    After 10 years spent fighting the unwinnable war that is Emergency Medicine in America, an "ER doctor" left medicine altogether and joined a Buddhist temple in Tibet, changing his name to "Jake Ho." He found the peaceful solitude he achieved to be the antithesis of years spent dealing with unreasonable requests and reprimands from patients, families, hospital administrators, and consultants. The vows of celibacy and silence he took are largely mitigated by the blogging and internet porn made possible thanks to the temple's excellent Wi-Fi connection.

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    This is even BETTER-though not as much Fun-as the Michael Jackson sleeper cocktail

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    But..but BUTT..how do you figure out Age+BUN=Dose with a fershlugginer combo like that?!

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    Mark P Stacy

    From the television ad: “Ask your doctor if FUROSESONEROLAQUINOX is right for you. One. Sly.La.Ble.At.A. Time.”

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    Tracy Watkins

    Hahaha! My favorote line “We all know that modern medicine is about patient satisfaction and not the provision of appropriate care, so it’s really a win/win for patients and physicians.” If I hear about HCAHPS scores one more time…

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    Denise Boswell

    What? No STAT “Porcelain Level” to rule out COSS? (For the uninitiated and/or kinder of heart people, COSS= Crock Of S**t Syndrome…) I’m appalled !

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    Tosha Renee

    But then a consult to pulm, And Cardiology are In order. Oh and neuro too because the 93 year old got weird after 50 of fentanyl for chest pain.

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    Mark Shea

    Does no one else call this ‘Geri-fix’? Geri-fix Forte is this, with NIV.

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    Brad Eisenberg

    As a Hospitalist, I just see the “[email protected]&$ It!” Attitude with everyone in the ED getting 40 lasix, 125 solunedrol, 1g Rocephin, 500 Zithromax, an Duobeb, and the obligatory Troponin and CTA chest because the D-Dimer was 2 points above normal ….. And let the Hospitalist sort it out and deal with the results

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    Son Ali

    ALMOST PERFECT. we just need a version w heparin for the renally insufficient.

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    Katie Marsh


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    Andre Sookdar

    What’s that? You have dyspnoea? Let’s put 1 litre of this IV fluid in you over 1 hour.

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    Helen Aanstoos

    WHAT? No dilaudid in it?

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    Cathy Smith

    I’m sorry, could you repeat that verbal order?

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    Anna Smith

    This is for patients with chest x-Rays that “cannot rule out pneumonia, atelectasis, CHF, COPD, or imminent death.”

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    Jeanne Freeman

    A new medication for you to prescribe Dawn King :)

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    Monica Tran

    That killed me too!

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    Ron Pasewald

    The sense of humor of my profession has to be top 3…

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    Mary W. Studious

    Love it.

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    Suzanne Banach

    HAHA !

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    Stephanie Hancock Rezac

    “Age> O2 sats”

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    Liz Kuebler


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    Christi Benefield

    These articles make me howl with laughter sometimes!

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    Patrick Corrigan

    I cannot pronounce those words. I must have dyspellyia

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    Christine Ouellette


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    Betsy O’Herron Tolbert


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    The Happy Hospitalist Blog


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    Stephanie Hassoun Shea

    That’s hilarious

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