north korea hackers

North Korea Hacks ER Pyxis Machines Nationwide, Renders Them Unable to Dispense Dilaudid

  • 6.2K
    Shares

WASHINGTON, DC – The White House has announced that North Korea has successfully hacked yet another electronic staple of American life – the drug-dispensing Pyxis machines.  Americans were recently outraged and appalled when Sony Pictures announced their decision to cancel the release of “The Interview” based on cyber attacks.

north korea hackersIt now appears that North Korean hackers have incapacitated Pyxis machines which deliver parenteral narcotics, and are counting on narcotic withdrawal-induced violence and mayhem to absolutely scorch America from within.

The North Koreans have shrewdly and correctly surmised that 75% of American ER visits and hospital admissions end with “narcotic receptor saturation,” a state of delirious semi-consciousness which results in the patient being unable to ask for more narcotics, yet unable to argue with discharge.

“This has to be corrected immediately,” said White House Spokesman Ari Lindenflugel, MS, JD, Ph.D.

“If the Emergency Departments of America can’t serve their rightful place as modern-day free opium dens, our entire medical community, and society itself, may crumble.  Kudos to the narcotic-dependent Americans who are fighting off hospital staff and security to bash in the Pyxis machines with their fists to get what they need – they are true Patriots.”

The National Guard is taking position as mass opioid withdrawal will be commencing in 3… 2… 1…

image_pdfimage_print
  • Jake Ho

    After 10 years spent fighting the unwinnable war that is Emergency Medicine in America, an "ER doctor" left medicine altogether and joined a Buddhist temple in Tibet, changing his name to "Jake Ho." He found the peaceful solitude he achieved to be the antithesis of years spent dealing with unreasonable requests and reprimands from patients, families, hospital administrators, and consultants. The vows of celibacy and silence he took are largely mitigated by the blogging and internet porn made possible thanks to the temple's excellent Wi-Fi connection.

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Lora Ann Cullipher

    Sarah Fields Hart, Jade Brashear Sonya Freeman Good luck counting those Pyxis machines tomorrow!

  • Avatar
    Carmen Alicia Queral

    When we got rid of Dilaudid in LA ER’s the junkie caravans through the ER went down exponentially.

  • Avatar
    Peg McBee

    Hilarious, my laugh for the day!!

  • Avatar
    Cynic

    @boredERdoc “: North Korea Hacks ER #Pyxis Machines Nationwide; …http://t.co/QwTfIFCquf #Pain_Medication http://t.co/rnEwCiAk6K”

  • Avatar
    Amelia Jordan

    I wish. …

  • Avatar
    Amelia Jordan

    I wish. …

  • Avatar
    Bucky Rauch

    We should have thought of this.

  • Avatar
    Stephanie Young

    Now if they could hack the Press-Gainey surveys………..

  • Avatar
    Aaron Highsmith

    We should take out time fixing that issue.

  • Avatar
    Denise Haraksin Eberhardt

    That is way too funny!

  • Avatar
    Alison Moore Jensen

    Bahhhaaaahhaaa!!!

  • Avatar
    Kristina Lehman

    If only….

  • Avatar
    Audrey Jeuck-Jackson

    Love this

  • Avatar
    Bob Ginnis

    Heaven forbid we should have to make do with morphine or fentanyl

  • Avatar
    Bill Moore

    Thank God Omnicell machines weren’t affected.

  • Avatar
    Christi Ledford

    Wow! Our docs only order 1mg at a time! Maybe I should refer our frequent visitors to you

  • Avatar
    Andrea Billet-Derrick

    Awesome!

  • Avatar
    Peggy Jewell Holstine

    Nooooo!!!! ya gotsta gimmmeee my dildodid!!!

  • Avatar
    Barbara Alcorn

    Narcotic receptor saturation. Funniest thing I’ve heard all week lol. You guys are so funny. I want to repost.

  • Avatar
    Barbara Alcorn

    Don’t forget the gingale

  • Avatar
    Beth Hudson Soper

    Code Team was gearing up to step in for all of the potential cardiac arrests to occur once pts realized Hacked pyxis was unable to produce beloved dilaudid. They too recalled offer of assistance for fear of NK retaliation stating… “ER, you’re on your own!”

  • Avatar
    Joan Cunningham Adams

    Merry Christmas to me! All I want for Christmas is to not push 2mg of dilaudid

  • Avatar
    Michael Cafferata

    Dirty commies better leave our lorazepam alone!

  • Avatar
    Kelly G Penman Jr.

    Gabrielle Turner

  • Avatar
    Crystal Chapa
  • Avatar
    Ashlee Bynum

    People will have to rethink their morphine “allergy!”

  • Avatar
    Phil Olmos

    Cool!

  • Avatar
    Molly Tonder

    Tamara Coulter

  • Avatar
    Bryon Denton

    Hysterical

  • Avatar
    Crystal Chapa

    John Angel D, why u be tagging me and Mel when this article is about craziness

  • Avatar
    Melanie Ray

    Lmao!

  • Avatar
    Pam Miller

    But what’re we gonna’ do with the guy who’s eating a Snickers bar with the headache pain rated as “20” out of 10????

  • Avatar
    John Angel D

    Crystal Melanie

  • Avatar
    Jason Holt

    Ériu ÓCealligh

  • Avatar
    Michael Hailey
  • Avatar
    Susan Baker Arasi

    No! All R.N.s. (That’s refreshment&narcotics) to those of us in the know! Stay calm! Security has this! Or, not!

  • Avatar
    Caroline Dellinger Lambert

    Narcotic receptor saturation!! HAHAHAHAHA!! B

  • Avatar
    Sarah Harless

    That’s absolutely terrifying!!! LOL

  • Avatar
    Sherri Donahoe Francisco

    Diane Moore Canard Katie Dickerson Karen Scarce Thompson hahaaaa

  • Avatar
    Brandy Acklin Bradford

    Awwww hell naw!! They’ve gone to far!!! They are affecting my sanity… Attack, kill,destroy

  • Avatar
    Cassie Cobb

    Jenny Codding

  • Avatar
    John Freed

    Fight back with milk and molasses

  • Avatar
    Bill Clark

    Al qaeda Disrupting turkey sandwiches = terrorism

    But if we dropped a few drones on dat press gainey mufucka = patriotism

    Go team!

  • Avatar
    Ed Iway

    Ryan Hoblitzell

  • Avatar
    Jessica Wilson Booth

    Donny Booth

  • Avatar
    Robert Heede

    A couple of 150meg Nucs would solve this problem.

  • Avatar
    Mary W. Studious

    Crisis.

  • Avatar
    Michaela Lieb

    Narcotic receptor saturation: I think that will become incorporated into my nurse station rhetoric

  • Avatar
    Ed Iway

    Hahaha. What an apocalypse!!!!

  • Avatar
    Lori Keffer Rupp

    We’re doomed!

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

Thousands Dead in Battle Between Ophthalmologists and Optometrists

2.8KSharesWASHINGTON, DC – Thousands of eye care providers were found dead in the streets ...