PHOENIX, AZ – Officials at the wildly popular University of Phoenix have announced their newest online learning program for obtaining the Doctor of Medicine degree. Students will complete the four-year degree completely online with as little direct patient contact as possible. A hyper-accelerated program will be offered and enable students to complete the degree in one year. The dean of the new M.D. program, Dr. Gilburt S. Wikilove, proudly declared that, “The future of medical practice is a virtual one. We are providing innovative education to create truly knowledgeable and capable web M.D.’s.”
In an interview held over FaceTime, Dr. Natalia Tersevich, director of medical education, added: “Medical students are not attending live lectures in record numbers, often opting to view the recorded lecture online at their leisure. We’re simply making it even easier and cheaper for them to do so.”
When asked about patient exposure and clinical rotations, Dr. Tersevich shrugged, “Overrated. Three words: virtual patients, telemedicine.” When asked regarding details of the curriculum and faculty, she uttered, “Look it up on our website.”
Hasbro, maker of the famous Mr. Potato Head toy, has collaborated with University of Phoenix to create Ms. Pelvis and Mr. Rectum to assist students with crucial physical exam elements. Each student will receive these plush learning tools at the start of the physical examination module.
Students will be able to enroll in the M.D. degree program simultaneously with other University of Phoenix degrees such as the Master of Business Administration, Doctorate in Management, and Doctorate in Education. In fact, there is no limit on number of degree programs a student may enroll in whatsoever. Furthermore, students enrolling in more than one degree program at once will receive a multiple degree tuition discount. Plans to offer a J.D. degree program are on the horizon, according to Drs. Wikilove and Tersevich.