va hospital

Local Veterans Affairs Hospital to Merge with DMV

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to improve efficiency and patient satisfaction, a local Veteran’s Affairs (VA) Hospital has announced it will merge with the nearby Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) branch.  VA Hospital Director and Chief Executive Officer, Dr. Jeffery Silver, made the announcement this morning in a statement to the press.

“We’ve been very impressed with the quality of customer service provided by the DMV,” says Dr. Silver.  “They’ve consistently outperformed us in every measurable quality indicator, from average wait times to length of visit.  Their appointment availability and flexibility is something we strive for, and their employees are well-known for their receptive attitude and willingness to help.”

The VA hospital has been plagued with poor patient satisfaction scores, and has tried several methods to improve its perception.  “We tried ignoring the problem,” says Dr. Silver, “but that didn’t seem to help.  We spent years fabricating data to make our scores look better, but still the complaints came in.”  They even hired an efficiency expert to come evaluate their facility, but his recommendations, such as “fire unqualified and unmotivated employees” and “schedule follow-up appointments within the same calendar year” were deemed too outlandish to be taken seriously.

The merger looks to be beneficial for both facilities, as patients can now schedule multiple appointments in the same day.  In just one nine-hour visit, patients will be able to have their blood drawn and renew their vehicle registration.  The merger will also allow for a combination of their websites, so information and forms may now be updated as frequently as every three years.

“We’re so pleased with the merger, that we’re already looking at other opportunities,” says Dr. Silver.  “We’ve reached out to the Post Office and cable companies for possible mergers as well.  There’s always room for improvement!”

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  • P.E. Coma

    Bio: Dr. Phillip E. Coma was first recognized in his field in 1943 by his mentor, Dr. K. Apitz. His place of origin is unknown, though some speculate that he originates from the Neural Crest region of Western Massachusetts. P. E. Coma and his cousins, Clarence L. “Sugar” Toumer and Angie Omaya Lypoma, have dedicated their lives to treating patients with tuberous sclerosis, with whom their family is intimately associated. While P. E. Coma is known by his colleagues for his typically benign demeanor, on occasion he has been known to act aggressively, and he is therefore best described as having “uncertain malignant potential.” P. E. Coma also stains with melanocytic markers, such as Melan-A and HMB-45.

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    Ebola antiviral drug

    a state medical board takes years to do what a DMV can do in a day. Incredible disservice to society

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    Ebola antiviral drug

    you realize, that the DMV is far more effective than a state medical board?

  • Avatar
    Stephanie Wickert

    YES!!!

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    Article coming soon

  • Avatar
    Ali Timmons Enochs

    Hysterical

  • Avatar
    Maria Nikolova-Ovcharov

    Don’t forget to invite a pay-day lender to ‘help’ ;)

  • Avatar
    Dixie Thompson

    Tracey Tlc Graham, snork!

  • Avatar
    Michelle Isallyouneedtoknow

    Next, merge with international airports! TSA agents standing by waiting! Get a colonoscopy before your flight!

  • Avatar
    Wendy Roberts

    Gomer, I love you but you are craycray

  • Avatar
    Laurie Williams Hiebert

    Lol !!!!!

  • Avatar
    Lawrence Thompson

    Wonderfu! Thanks for posting this!

  • Avatar
    Rocco Arcieri

    Patients generally know to bring paper copies from their military exit Exam and paper copies from VA
    But to answer your question–still waiting

  • Avatar
    Rocco Arcieri

    Now you’re thinking .
    Put some some low income housing and it’s a walkable community, why would you have to leave?

  • Avatar
    Donna Masterson

    Haha!

  • Avatar
    Brad Hardee

    Todd Zilla

  • Avatar
    Matthew Bloom

    Has anyone actually ever received records from the VA when requested?

  • Avatar
    Nancy Jean

    Michael J. McCoy Michael Berk Amy David Keri Ann Wesley Irish

  • Avatar
    Patty Kathleen Rhinesmith

    OMG, I truly laughed.

  • Avatar
    Adam Taylor
  • Avatar
    Karen Twigg Sagisi

    One place where we all can be frustrated by “hurry up and wait”.

  • Avatar
    Margaret Helene O’Connor

    This actually made me LOL :-D

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    Mary-Beth Taylor

    And then more errands can be done in same time. Put it in a Walmart and life is good.

  • Avatar
    Dianne Radcliffe

    That’s hilarious! So proactive.

  • Avatar
    Rebecca Bakkestuen

    Dianne Radcliffe

  • Avatar
    John Higginson

    Yea that will fix it

  • Avatar
    Amanda Chappell

    Ted Sibley

  • Avatar
    Flavia Nicorici
  • Avatar
    Heike Johnson

    Haha

  • Avatar
    Rocco Arcieri

    Next phase Plans for Domestic Relations court to be added on if all goes as planned

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