anesthesia resident

Anesthesia Resident Finishes Reading Entire Internet During Free Flap Surgery

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NEW YORK, NY – John Silk, a fourth-year anesthesiology resident at State Medical Hospital in New York, will now have his name immortalized in the annals of technological achievement with greats such as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Al Gore, by becoming the first person in history to have seen and read every website on the internet, over 600 million pages.

anesthesia resident
“It took a lot of clicking and free time, but I did it!”

When asked how he could have possibly completed this illustrious feat, Dr. Silk explains, “My plastic surgery rotation had been going pretty well, but it did seem like I was being assigned a lot of free flap cases.  After my lunch break I had found myself exploring a website dedicated to pictures of guilty dogs.”  What happened next was truly astonishing.

After clicking a link to a website featuring the world’s grumpiest cat and wondering if he had actually already visited the site earlier in the case, a blue screen popped up with a disclaimer stating that he had viewed every piece of information on the internet.  Dr. Silk explains, “I really had no idea what to do on the computer so I just logged off!”  At that point, Dr. Silk took out his smartphone and began to play Candy Crush Saga until the case finished.

This is not the first time an anesthesiology resident has been able to accomplish an amazing feat of dedication and persistence while working in the operating room.  Last year while providing anesthesia for an emergency finger reattachment, Reuben Goldberg, a third year at Philadelphia County Hospital, was able to construct a fifty-seven step machine in the OR which would automatically chart in 15 minute intervals that the patient was in normal sinus rhythm and that their eyes were indeed still taped.

When asked what he would do now that he had seen the entire internet Dr. Dickerson was befuddled, particularly with a bilateral TRAM flaps scheduled for the following day.  “I suppose I can try to log on to the deep web, hopefully there will be a lot more websites I can check out.”  Whatever Dr. Silk decides, the future looks bright for the young web surfer.

UPDATE:
John Silk is currently under suspension from State Medical University Anesthesia Residency and under FBI investigation for trading nitrous oxide filled balloons for bitcoins.  GomerBlog will continue to follow and post updates as the story unfolds.

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  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    Nailed it

  • Avatar
    Joshua Vize

    That’s hilarious!

    To all those appalled by this: your absolutely right. We’ll just make the anesthetist stare intensely at a sinus cardiac waveform for 14 hours.

  • Avatar
    Gabriel Rice

    #goals

  • Avatar
    Elizabeth Gall Karns

    Satire website. Not an actual story.

  • Avatar
    Laura Enqvist

    Antti Laine

  • Avatar
    Gihan Jayasinghe

    Daniel Walker can you top this?!

  • Avatar
    Caroline Reinke

    Erik Quilty, are YOU done with the internet yet? Haha

  • Avatar
    Julie Stevens

    Rich Ross

  • Avatar
    Kathryn Rondeau

    Haha….try scrubbing one!

  • Avatar
    Ani Patel

    Leena Shah

  • Avatar
    Carmen Morrell

    Nathan Schaefer

  • Avatar
    Eliza Doneley

    I had better get reading!

  • Avatar
    Anna Marion

    Eliza Doneley

  • Avatar
    Anna Marion

    Nic Gerbanas

  • Avatar
    Faith Claire Hill

    Lol the end addit

  • Avatar
    Torben Kvist

    Jonas Halfdan Ry Hessler: lånte han dit gamle udprint af internettet?

  • Avatar
    Gergana Miteva

    :D

  • Avatar
    James Anderson

    Monitoring should not interfere with reading and surfing!

  • Avatar
    Jason Du Plessis

    Karyll Mae San Pedro Taryn Thompson

  • Avatar
    Jason Du Plessis

    Karyll Mae San Pedro Taryn Thompson

  • Avatar
    Bethine Merson Powell

    OMG….. Are you REALLY taking this seriously? LOL, you’ve lost your sense of humor.

  • Avatar
    Michelle Stewart

    He should be fired. Tired of people not watching and taking care of their patients in the OR.

  • Avatar
    Richard Wain

    Surely this is BS

  • Avatar
    Stephanie Jensen

    Christopher Palombo

  • Avatar
    Caitlin Griffiths

    Ben Cosway

  • Avatar
    Sarah Lun

    challenge accepted!

  • Avatar
    Andrèa Migneault

    Wow imagine!!

  • Avatar
    Susan Shafik

    Sobi Mallick hahahaha

  • Avatar
    Smita Palit

    Suthan Sundaram Prateek Bando Vikram Palit

  • Avatar
    Michael Angsuwat

    Lawl

  • Avatar
    Ruth Lynn Gordon

    Its a joke…sheesh

  • Avatar
    Ruth Lynn Gordon

    Its a joke….sheesh

  • Avatar
    Laura Kate

    Aimee Smith Mal Dias

  • Avatar
    Osama Zahriya

    Christina Yi

  • Avatar
    Judi Gourdeau

    And then he admits he played candy crush? really?

  • Avatar
    Emerald Setbo

    Katie-beth Webster

  • Avatar
    Andrea Leigh Camp

    I just want the surgery

  • Avatar
    Deb Rusy

    Del Mount Sam Poore

  • Avatar
    Candace Equality Caldwell

    O.o

  • Avatar
    Jonathan Boley
  • Avatar
    Andrea Noëlle Alliette

    Rahul Seth

  • Avatar
    David Andrew

    We had one do his share portfolio when doing cases. When the Market crashed he informed us he could no longer afford to buy a helicopter. Not a tear was shed.

  • Avatar
    Ann Hau Plater

    Semhar G Olubunmi

  • Avatar
    Kathleen Bylsma

    Originally from “House Of God”, if I’m not mistaken. Great book published in the 70s about the inner workings of hospitals/interning…

  • Avatar
    Michelle D. Burke

    That’s awesome

  • Avatar
    Arnaz Ensani

    Ansh Khanna

  • Avatar
    Whitney Lee Alley

    Then they are stupid.. Gomer is an acronym that stands for “get out of my ER”… Always has been a medical field joke …always

  • Avatar
    Whitney Lee Alley

    S a t I r e….look it up oh believer of the Internet

  • Avatar
    David Argisht

    Sherry Bhowra

  • Avatar
    Yassi Nasio

    lol (point missed)

  • Avatar
    Serine Mkrtchyan

    still there are people who does not understand what satira is or what this website is about.

  • Avatar
    Caroline Donovan Anderson

    Shannon Kerr

  • Avatar
    Evonne Westerfield

    When I was in nursing school, during a clinical rotation in the OR, the Anesthesiologist was reading a paperback novel during surgery …
    I have never forgotten that.

  • Avatar
    Patrick Bakke

    No such thing as a free flap, someone always pays….

  • Avatar
    Jackie Geraghty

    This is a satire website…

  • Avatar
    Michael Landgraf

    This dude needs a job with LESS responsibility… Pt first! Embarrassment to the profession

  • Avatar
    Saad Mohammad

    This article is a joke. Also known as “satire”

  • Avatar
    Renee Cannon Smith

    Wow. That’s kind of scary. Am I wrong or is he supposed to be monitoring the patient.

  • Avatar
    Ashleigh Witt

    Michael Angsuwat

  • Avatar
    Nate Schneider

    Curtis Nathan

  • Avatar
    Stéphane Ouattara

    Sarah Lun

  • Avatar
    Marehan Nakhnoukh

    Salima Hasham lol I despise free flaps

  • Avatar
    Brandon Davis

    Major Cunningham

  • Avatar
    Brandon Davis

    Major Cunningham

  • Avatar
    Caroline Herron

    Laura Kearney
    Natalie Jumper

  • Avatar
    Caroline Herron

    Laura Kearney
    Natalie Jumper

  • Avatar
    Bethine Merson Powell

    Kim Ezell….thought you’d like this one

  • Avatar
    Bethine Merson Powell

    Kim Ezell….thought you’d like this one

  • Avatar
    Ilona Parks

    Hahahahaha

  • Avatar
    Ilona Parks

    Hahahahaha

  • Avatar
    Daniel Turner

    Nick Aroney

  • Avatar
    Daniel Turner

    Nick Aroney

  • Avatar
    Johnny Utah III

    Dr Silk must look at a lot of Porn.

  • Avatar
    Johnny Utah III

    Dr Silk must look at a lot of Porn.

  • Avatar
    Katie Honz

    Shannon Wong

  • Avatar
    Katie Honz

    Shannon Wong

  • Avatar
    Marie Mahler

    Priceless!

  • Avatar
    Tobey Beagle

    Joel Klunke Jason Kobler

  • Avatar
    Anton Mou

    Penelope

  • Avatar
    Lora Ann Cullipher

    Where’s that surgical time predictor app when you need it?

  • Avatar
    Dave Schwabacher

    Sometimes you don’t need to read the article….

  • Avatar
    Andrew Choong

    Adam Sawyer, Mo Akhavani. Mount Vernon days…

  • Avatar
    Jesse Herrera

    Ross M Cowan Matthew Pagliaro
    Abby Jones. Cassi Mogford

  • Avatar
    Jayy Cee

    Sounds like the Bar has been set

  • Avatar
    Lisa Meyers Salzenstein

    Lol! Ironic!

  • Avatar
    Laine Wolverton Embrey

    Lisa Meyers Salzenstein weren’t we just talking about this? ;)

  • Avatar
    Rina Savage

    Eavan O’Brien Luke Watson

  • Avatar
    Eric Knott

    Angelica Delgado

  • Avatar
    Josh Conroy

    Raphael Weidenfeld

  • Avatar
    Penelope Benny-José

    AND they finished their Giant Book of Sudoku

  • Avatar
    Emma Sganzerla

    Stephen Dick

  • Avatar
    Oliver Morgan

    Beccy Binks

  • Avatar
    James Roy

    John Roy

  • Avatar
    Shmur Shah

    Barney Arnie Abarni

  • Avatar
    Je Suis Elie

    Frederick Leonard Abraham

  • Avatar
    Sofi Lazar

    Ida Li Colin Caverly

    Life goals

  • Avatar
    Janet Shaw

    Matt Cronin

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