sunset at the hospital

Monday Medicine Rounds Finish Just In Time for Tuesday Medicine Rounds

  • 1.4K
    Shares

PHILADELPHIA, PA – With record-setting efficiency, the internal medicine team here at St. Agnes Hospital whipped through their Monday morning rounds at a breakneck pace this week, managing to complete them with a full five minutes to spare before Tuesday morning internal medicine rounds were scheduled to begin.

sunset at the hospital“We started at 10 AM and didn’t stop for a single break,” reported a breathless and wildly unkempt intern. “I’ve never moved so fast between patients.  We saw one lady, for like, only 37 minutes.  It was crazy.”

According to charge nurse Kimberly Pratt, there was “barely any time” for her to catch up to the team as they “zipped around the ward like white-coated cheetahs.”

“I was astonished,” said Pratt. “[Attending internist] Dr. Wu was banging out physical exams like a machine.  I don’t think he did his usual 14 systems on Mrs. Wilkins, though.  This was definitely a big improvement over last week, when Wednesday and Thursday rounds overlapped by seven hours.”

Other sources confirmed that this was the fastest rounds since Christmas Morning of ’94, when the legendary Dr. Silverstein completed rounds in time for dinner.  Most concede, however, that there was a record low patient census at the time, and rumors abound that Dr. Silverstein was having an affair and needed to get out of the hospital.

At press time, consulting Ortho and General Surgery sources suggested that despite their impressive speed, the medicine team was still in its usual form, as none of the dressings were taken down.

image_pdfimage_print
  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Lucy Donlon

    Haha! Classic.

  • Avatar
    Hilary McLeod

    Claire Prowse you will appreciate this…

  • Avatar
    Hilary McLeod

    Claire Prowse you will appreciate this…

  • Avatar
    Karisa Hajek

    Kilie Donovan

  • Avatar
    Kimberly Akerley-Wehner

    Too funny!! What a bunch of slackers!

  • Avatar
    Shane Jackson

    As a plastics registrar, I lost it at the final part about the dressings!

  • Avatar
    Brian Jeb

    Kai Chaivannacoopt Kevin Heslop

  • Avatar
    Sean Bauer

    Jenny Shim Bauer

  • Avatar
    James Anderson

    I remember morning Pedi ICU rounds lasting until afternoon rounds.
    Made it difficult to get work done……

  • Avatar
    Loraine Baraki

    Austin

  • Avatar
    Dana Olson

    Exactly why I didn’t go into eternal medicine

  • Avatar
    Taha Juhaishi

    Sadeer Al-Kindi

  • Avatar
    Mary Elizabeth

    Patti Boran Anya Dvirnak

  • Avatar
    Sarah Joy Hipple-Spence

    That’s why I normally skip rounds and keep doing my med passes and treatments. Everyone wins :). The patients get their dilaudid on time, and don’t have to stay too much longer after my shift ends to wrap everything up!

  • Avatar
    Jenna Strother

    Hahahahaha

  • Avatar
    Jen Kasten

    Laura De Marchena Greene…

  • Avatar
    Farah Nasraty

    Jori Kaplan

  • Avatar
    Rachel Roberts

    Jenna Strother

  • Avatar
    El Ena Mo

    haha, true!

  • Avatar
    Kate Wylde

    Nailed it ;)

  • Avatar
    Hazim El-Haddad

    “…because the ED didn’t interrupt q10min with elderly UTI admits and chest pain rule outs on patients with knee injuries.”

  • Avatar
    Paul Groves

    Richard

  • Avatar
    Matt McAlpine

    Rahul Chatterjee Lucy Donlon

  • Avatar
    Tippu Khan

    Where I come from, we call that quitting!

  • Avatar
    Amber Essenmacher

    Kimberly Akerley-Wehner Tippu Khan Erin Schmid

  • Avatar
    Tiff Lees

    Kate ;)

  • Avatar
    Dawn Costello

    We always had time for the diet coke and drifter break!

  • Avatar
    Insun Chong

    Cameron

  • Avatar
    Caroline Herron

    Dawn Costello !!! Resp ward rounds back in the day !

  • Avatar
    Paul Groves

    Richard

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

millennial

Millennial Woman Admitted to Millennial ICU Because She “Can’t Even”

3.5KSharesTAMPA, FL – Missy Howell, a 25-year-old from the suburbs was recently rushed to St. ...

aliens running emr

Ancient Aliens Take Over Electronic Medical Records

216SharesGROOM LAKE, NV – Why does your electronic medical record (EMR) function sooooo poorly?  Are ...

doc hunt

Video Game Review: Doc(ument) Hunt

33SharesPros / Doc(ument) Hunt is a fun follow-up to Nintendo’s Duck Hunt that allows medical providers ...