alternative medicine

Homeopathic Burn Remedy Effective, Allopaths Stunned

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DENVER, CO – Doctors, skeptics, and the scientific community as a whole, were stunned today when the North American branch of the Society for Complimentary and Alternative Medicines (SCAM) published a robust double blind randomized control trial showing that a new homeopathic burn remedy is effective in the acute management of first-degree burns, scalds and ouchies.

alternative medicineDr. Carolyn Eschar, head of plastic surgery at St John the Apostle’s burn centre in Arizona said she was shocked when she first read the paper. “I’m always very wary of SCAM trials; their scientific basis, methodology are usually hopelessly flawed.  However after reading this paper over and over, and over again, I’m forced to admit it, this works.”

The remedy in question, Acionna, is a 30C dilution of boiling water.  The trial compared it to the standard allopathic treatment for acute minor burns: immersion in cold tap water.  In all cases immersion in a preparation of Acionna was just as effective as control.

Skeptics were forced to admit that true double blinding was achieved as neither homeopaths, their clients, nor highly-sensitive mass spectroscopy was able to distinguish Acionna from the tap water control.

Dermot Oscar Conrad, President of SCAM, who insists everyone call him DOC: “It feels fantastic to be vindicated in our long held, unshakable faith in homeopathy.”

“Water has a memory, and this water remembers being hot.  Boiling hot.  Hence a preparation of Acionna can be used to cure anything caused by heat: like cures like!  To treat a minor burn simply dissolve one Acionna pill in a bowl of tap water and immerse the injured part for 10-15 minutes.” explained DOC.

“Through the magic of homeoquantumness the more you dilute Acionna the stronger it gets: if you don’t receive adequate relief from one treatment simply add more cold water and repeat.”

GomerBlog asked local patrons of Dana’s Holistic Medicine, Crystal and Fairy Sanctuary for their opinions.  “To think all this time I’ve been using cold tap water to treat minor burns,” said mother and SCAM enthusiast Cathy Wilson.  “Sure Acionna is more expensive, but it’s holistic!”

SCAM investors have high hopes for future trials of a 200C dilution of sun warmed water to treat thirst and minor dehydration.

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  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Matthew Rice

    They aren’t classed in degrees any more. If you got the language right it may give you a bit more legitamacy. Probably not though because you just make this up.

  • Avatar
    Vicki Rexrode McCampbell

    Hilarious!

  • Avatar
    Jessica Jernberg

    Kris Simon

  • Avatar
    Tiffany Elizabeth

    Matt Green

  • Avatar
    Catherine Moore

    Rory David

  • Avatar
    Tara Perry

    That was epic!

  • Avatar
    Steve Fortson

    Sadly,this pretty much aligns with my thoughts of the majority of the holistic movement

  • Avatar
    Bill Clark

    ^^^ Are you sure you didn’t have too many homeopathic lagers?

  • Avatar
    Lisa Linn Wright

    Beth Kiser, another for your files…experiment on TK if necessary!

  • Avatar
    Yulia Kirkpatrick

    I want to thank you. I have not laughed like that in a long, long, long time.

  • Avatar
    Karen Weezle Wood

    Every time homeopathic therapy comes up I think of that.

  • Avatar
    Ben James B

    I heard it had that fatal chemical dihydrogen monoxide in it- I wouldn’t be putting chemicals like that in my body thank you very much…

  • Avatar
    Ed Rowe

    Erm, best not to mention to the RVC cert assessors I said that though

  • Avatar
    Abby Caine

    I take it you have the energy to make a sandwich

  • Avatar
    Ed Rowe

    At last, I am vindicated! Now perhaps copper pyramids will get the recognition they deserve too

  • Avatar
    Abby Caine

    Ed Rowe

  • Avatar
    Jeff Ridge

    Society for Complementary and Alternative Medicines (SCAM) has been making me laugh for hours… You got me with just the headline! Good one.

  • Avatar
    Kimberly Spillman Mason

    You eat it with the spines on so it cuts up your mouth and esophagus preventing you from eating anything else!

  • Avatar
    Paul Busman

    Scientific proof!

  • Avatar
    Rajan Patheja

    Nilu Pez

  • Avatar
    John Tucher

    SCAM also has its own credentialing process, for all those interested in becoming official scammers.

  • Avatar
    Laura O’Connor

    LOL!!

  • Avatar
    Cami Sharp

    It must be like a cumulative effect. Like once you eat enough it totally reverses everything.

  • Avatar
    Maripat ‘Rodriguez’ Hodges

    Cami Sharp I’ve also heard eating cactus cures diabetes (told to me by a blind patient getting a permacath placed for HD)

  • Avatar
    Cami Sharp

    Maripat ‘Rodriguez’ Hodges seems legit

  • Avatar
    Karin Cartwright

    A cure? Say it isn’t so! A miracle!

  • Avatar
    JL Ponts

    Also shown effective in treating dehydration, heat exhaustion, and dry mouth!

  • Avatar
    Bill Clark

    For those who haven’t seen it. Enjoy
    http://youtu.be/HMGIbOGu8q0

  • Avatar
    Rocco Arcieri

    Dr Oz endorsed , also makes a great chip dip

  • Avatar
    Hutch N Amanda Swafford

    Matt Fowler

  • Avatar
    Juliet Smith

    Alice Pearlman

  • Avatar
    Thomas Lucero

    Laura Hudson

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