new medical interns

BOSTON, MA – Hospital administrators nationwide are hailing a successful new effort described as “downright brilliant” to help curb hospital mortality by eliminating July from the calendar.

“Our new initiative is the culmination of a 10-year research project looking at new medical interns and residents who start working in teaching hospitals in July,” says Dr. Walter H. Oscar, CEO of the Doctors University Hospital (DUH).  “We looked at month-by-month hospital complication rates, and our results were consistent: July is when everything hits the fan.”

new medical internsThe director of quality and safety at DUH, Dr. Vincent Mario, has told GomerBlog, “One July, we had a patient whose internal jugular central line ended up in the stomach, a patient who got healthcare-associated anemia from blood draws that had mistakenly been ordered q1h, a patient who received a biliary stent that ended up in the leg, a patient who got Visine instead of vancomycin to treat his sepsis, and a patient who accidentally had all of his home medications ordered per rectum—all in the same day.  It was July 1.  And it was a harbinger of things to come.”

“At that point, the solution was obvious,” Dr. Mario stated.

This year, DUH eliminated July from the calendar altogether.  The results of the project have been astounding.  In 30-day follow-up, the hospital’s mortality rate was down a full 3,000%.  The hospital has seen virtual elimination of its most severe complications.

The benefits of the initiative have extended to other areas besides patient care. One spokesman for the laundry staff said, “We’re the guys who wash scrubs after call nights and, well, let’s just say we’ve noticed the scrubs are less stained in the seats since we got rid of July.”  The hospital cafeteria has noticed a surplus of food thanks to the curtailing of July stress eating.

Dr. Barry Pepper, CEO of a large private hospital system in direct competition with DUH, says, “We are just flabbergasted.  We were neck-and-neck with DUH in all areas of quality.  We were giving them a run for the money in achieving patient-friendly, baby-friendly, and drugseeker-friendly status.  We were close to achieving Magnet designation.  But then DUH achieved July-free status, and it just blew us out of the water.  How do you compete with that?”

image_pdfimage_print

  • Show Comments

You May Also Like

Developmental Milestones for a Baby Orthopod

1.7KSharesAs a proud new parent, you may be distracted by everything it takes to ...

Gergio Answering Questions

Hospital Gnome Retiring “Very Happy with Life’s Work”

DALLAS, TX – Gergio, the hospital gnome assigned to Methodist Dallas Medical Center, called it ...

surgeon washing hands

General Surgeon Goes Entire Year Without Washing Hands

814SharesDr. Ima Nass, a general surgeon from Illinois, was recently demoted for going an ...

Twas the Night Before Christmas in the ED

4.5KShares Twas the night before Christmas, the ED was quiet, Not a creature was ...

(Video) Thrift Lab (Shop) Parody. Nuff said now Bob yo Head

What, pathologists are people? And they are hilarious?!?!?! Check this unbelievable rap parody by ...

Should I be an OB/GYN?

Should You Go into Pediatrics? Should I be an Emergency Medicine Physician? Should I ...