doctor shortage

Obama Says Sweeping Changes Will Eliminate Doctor Shortage

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – Speaking at a live press conference from the Rose Garden today, President Obama announced major changes to health care, that he expects to solve the nation’s doctor shortage.  This new law, which the president issued in an executive order, bypassing a House and Senate vote, will allow patients to select WebMD as their primary care provider, in most cases, eliminating a patient’s need for a face-to-face doctor’s visit.

doctor shortageA study by the Association of American Medical Colleges, found that if trends continue, there will be a shortage of up to 90,000 primary care and specialists within the next 10 years  This poses a significant risk to patients not receiving access to the services they need.

“When a person selects WebMD as their health care provider, they will get the same quality care they would get from an in-person visit,” said President Obama.  “A patient simply checks the boxes related to the symptoms they are experiencing, and they will receive prescriptions, lab orders, educational information, and a full health summary, all which can be printed out without the patient ever having to get off of the couch.”

The President also said this is a “win-win” for the Affordable Care Act.  Not only will patients no longer be required to pay co-payments for doctors’ visits, but it is a real cost-saver for the U.S. Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS), which has negotiated special rates through advertising on the WebMD site.

The administration is currently working on tackling the anticipated specialist shortage, which is said to be trickier because specialists often provide surgical procedures.  “We are getting closer,” the President said.  “Within the next few years, we will have created robotic methods that will eliminate the need for doctors to participate in surgeries at all.”

In fact, developers are in the final stages of implementing a doctor-free colonoscopy, which uses infrared heat sensors to detect where the tube needs to be inserted into a patient.  They have also created an automated defibrillator for emergency rooms, which is part of a patient’s bed, and simply slides into position as a patient’s monitor signals cardiac arrest.

As expected, the response to the President’s announcement was positive among patients.  “I already use WebMD for my medical care,” said Jonathan Webbers, a professor of technology at the University of Maryland.  “It’s always been frustrating when my doctor refuses to give me with medication or order an MRI without an office visit.  I can’t wait to sign up and avoid jumping through that unnecessary hurdle.”

If the new law is successful, the President says the concept could also be implemented into mall kiosks and ATMs.

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  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Marcy Clements

    sadly this will at least partially come true.

  • Avatar
    Brian Howald

    That will really enable self diagnoses. The web md doc will back it up with more auto dispense pills. Fibro myalgia for everyone

  • Avatar
    Ryan William McDonald

    Don’t tempt them…!

  • Avatar
    Ryan William McDonald

    Don’t tempt them…!

  • Avatar
    Joan Cunningham Adams

    Great so people who can’t tie their shoes will be able diagnose and treat themselves

  • Avatar
    John C. McGuire

    It’s a hoax article, but it’s not far from the truth.

  • Avatar
    Casey Overton

    Really!??

  • Avatar
    Casey Overton

    Loved the idiocracy to complete the blog!

  • Avatar
    Cameron Gardner

    Better let jspring know. Brittany Jean Coburn

  • Avatar
    Suhasini Gudipati

    You get what you paid for

  • Avatar
    Robert Fithian

    TSA is an option if you are OK with them finding the right orifice only 5% of the time.

  • Avatar
    Colin Pirge

    How’s about a robot in the WH instead of the current zombie?

  • Avatar
    Chris Schroeder

    Its the TSA that does the rectal exams…and enjoys it!

  • Avatar
    Anna Okruta

    Sounds like the daft idea.

  • Avatar
    Dondi Harkreader

    It’s a hoax. You’re welcome :)

  • Avatar
    Anonymous

    Lmao

  • Avatar
    Jennifer Dodimead

    Probably one of the best parts of this blog are the comments from the jackholes that don’t get satire!

  • Avatar
    Eileen Left
  • Avatar
    Eileen Left

    The politics perhaps a satire. E visits are alive and well.

  • Avatar
    Brian Connelly

    They will just have former corpsmen and navy Dr’s design the system so it just gives out Motrin and foot powder for every ailment

  • Avatar
    Jade Socal Tran

    I’m sure the robot can see that some child is being molested and report it too!

  • Avatar
    Jade Socal Tran

    Why are we getting course after course about patient manners empathy blahblah if a machine can replace us?

  • Avatar
    Sean Mason

    Will they have to program the robots to have a poor bedside manner or will that just come naturally after a few years in the ER?

  • Avatar
    Woody Coker
  • Avatar
    Chuck Paradise

    Kiosk medicine. .. just wave your imbedded chip over the scanner and enter your complaints. Medicine dispensed below

  • Avatar
    Phyllis Sigmond

    Satire web site

  • Avatar
    David Nolan

    OR, they could just pay primary care doctors for their work and remove the 250k in debt that they start with…

  • Avatar
    Wu Dawgey

    Hi everyone….this is a satire piece. Satire means….made up in an attempt to be funny. But I expect to hear conservatives frothing at the mouth about it for a week and obviously it doesn’t matter if its satire or not.

  • Avatar
    Jana Wendel Thornton

    Don’t forget about Dr. GOOGLE!

  • Avatar
    Ryan Kaylor

    “Why do I need tests?! I looked it up. I told you what’s wrong with me!”

  • Avatar
    David Nolan

    Someone please tell me this is a hoax… This sounds terrifying and dangerous

  • Avatar
    Robert Fithian

    Bad example, Don. Pretty sure the IRS does a more thorough colonoscopy, and enjoys it more, than any doctor. Oh, and EPA and Corps of Engineers just teamed up to redefine “waters of the United States”. I read the legislation and am pretty certain they have urology covered.

  • Avatar
    Don Fithian

    Lol. I’m so relieved to know he’s got it all worked out. Which of them will he assign to do rectal exams?

  • Avatar
    Rajshree Chaudhari

    Tarun..

  • Avatar
    Michael Cieslinski
  • Avatar
    Elizabeth Lawrie

    As with teachers – any doctor who can be replaced by a computer should be! Mine is irreplaceable, because he cares about my health and my family.

  • Avatar
    Daddi De Livie

    Glad I have plans other than practice

  • Avatar
    Mark Hauswirth

    Exactly. There is currently a prize for any computer programmer who can produce a doctor equivalent machine. All it will need is to statistically provide care at the same level.

  • Avatar
    Eileen Left
  • Avatar
    Matthias Muenzer

    Ah….what doctor shortage ? None where I am….

  • Avatar
    Matthias Muenzer

    Nooooooo
    I will be PAs….

  • Avatar
    Soanjy Nehctyam

    WebMD has already replaced doctors! Just ask the pts families!

  • Avatar
    Brandon Bushnell

    Actually, Its a 2-1B.

  • Avatar
    Marilyn Smith

    Best one ever!

  • Avatar
    Neil Schreiber

    Great will I be able to fly my flying car to my robot doctor’s office.

  • Avatar
    Joey Xiu

    Daddi

  • Avatar
    Billie Jo Grieve

    More time for us to sit around counting our money and playing golf

  • Avatar
    PJ Wiltshire

    Oooooooh…will they be C-3PO-like or more R2D2-ish?

  • Avatar
    Eileen Left

    Who needs robots ? E medicine is here- swipe your card – go through the algorithm – get your Zithromax. SMH.

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