anesthesia patient

National Security of Anesthesiologists (NSA) Releases New Cell Phone Disabling Device

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RESTON, VA – The National Security of Anesthesiologists (NSA), in response to a jury awarding a patient $500,000 after an anesthesiologist was caught on tape trashing them while under sedation for a colonoscopy, has released a new cell phone disabling device.  The device can be placed on a patient gurney and will disable any recording app that the patient may have on their smartphone.

anesthesia“This recent lawsuit has scared the crap out of most anesthesia providers, surgeons, nurses, surgical technicians, and in fact anybody else who works near unconscious patients,” said president of the American Society of Anesthesiology (ASA) Dr. Abenstein.  “For that reason we have teamed up with the NSA to help protect us against litigation.”

The new device will terminate any recording app on most smart phones that come within 25 yards of the device.  If a recording device is detected, the new device will not only stop the recording, but will also upload a prerecorded sound track.  The uploaded soundtrack will feature common operating room sounds, followed by occasional small talk describing “how nice and kind” the patient is.

Dr. Tiffany Ingham, the anesthesiologist sued, wishes this device had been available before she went on her tirade.  “If only I had known about it before this case.  I could have used it on my previous 1320 cases where I trashed patients under sedation.  If you thought my latest recording was bad, I have plenty more that could have topped this one!  I feel lucky that this was the one released and not the one where I emptied the Foley bag into a patient’s NG tube.”

For now with the new device enabled, providers can return to their usual bad habits of making fun of patients under anesthesia, but be on the outlook for patient advocate groups developing jammers of this new medical device, recommending old fashioned tape recorders, or wearing wires and trying to pass them off as a pacer or spinal cord stimulator.

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