Pathologists Criticized for Having High Proportion of Terminally-Ill, Cancer-Diagnosed, and Deceased Patients

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CHICAGO,  IL – As greater attention is drawn to patient outcome and patient satisfaction, new specialty specific data has revealed that pathologist’s patients are more likely to die, have cancer, or already be dead.  After this information was revealed a hospital-wide quality improvement initiative was started to reduce complications and mortality.

“We wanted this data to weed out the specialties with high mortality so that they could do a root cause analysis and improve outcomes,” explains hospital administrator John Ceo.  After shaking his head he adds: “These pathologists just can’t turn things around, and we uncovered a slew of troubling data about the rest of the hospital.”

Also revealed in the quality improvement analysis were a 98% infection rate on the infectious disease service, a 44% incidence of MI on the cardiology service, 68% urinary retention on urology service, and 71% of patients in MICU diagnosed with respiratory failure.

Dermatologist Dr. John Welsh III told GomerBlog, “These findings are completely unacceptable.  I would never stand to have patients this sick.”

Forensic pathologist Dr. Mark Coldhands did point out one positive finding for pathology, since his personal readmission rate reached zero and the department had the lowest in the hospital.  Overall pathology also had the lowest patient complaint record.  “See?” said Dr. Coldhands overly assertively.  “My patients have a definitive discharge plan and don’t complain.”

The quality improvement project will continue until improvement is appreciable or indefinitely.

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