medical zodiac

The 12 Symptoms of the Medical Zodiac‏

Do you remember your constellations, in particular the 12 symptoms of the medical zodiac?  Bust out your telescopes, find your closest clear night sky, and let’s review!

ANGINA – The stars spell A as in angina, but also depict a widened QRS complex or, some say, an ST elevation.

MYALGIA – If you look closely, the stars depict a person spazzing out, leading to myalgias and possibly a little rhabdomyolysis.

CONSTIPATION – Can you feel the strain in this stick figure, trying to have a stellar bowel movement?  He’s been trying to go for light years!

MALAISE – You need to use your imagination here: the astrological stick figure is passed out in bed, belly down, head and torso hanging over the right edge.

DIPLOPIA – On some nights, you may see this constellation’s duplicate.

DYSURIA – The stars depict a penis or vagina in agony depending on how you look at it.

POLYURIA – A male stick figure forever standing at a urinal, urinating yet again.

DYSPNEA – The stars outline a lung without obvious acute process but a dedicated CT is recommended.

PRURITIS – The stars depict a stick figure flailing about, driven wild by his or her intense itching and need for IV Benadryl.

DIARRHEA – The stars depict a threatening bacterium or parasite, ready to wreak intestinal havoc.

PODAGRA – An outline of one’s right foot, with the brightest star at the point of maximum tenderness to palpation.

PALLOR – The stars depict the four subunits of hemoglobin.

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