Dr. 99 Dr. 99

First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.
student driver stickers

Attending Places ‘Student Driver’ Stickers on July Interns

TALLAHASSEE, FL – In an effort to appropriately inform patients and staff with whom ...

wound care don't care

The Truth Comes Out: Wound Care Team Actually Doesn’t Care About Wound

MOUNT LAUREL, NJ – Brace yourselves, a long-assumed notion once held about a certain ...

audible sighs world record world-record

M.D. on World-Record Pace of 15 Audible Sighs Per Minute

BOSTON, MA – It’s not uncommon for any person in health care to be ...

Brie Hammersley complete blood loss

Op Note: ‘Successful Despite Complete Blood Loss’

BIRMINGHAM, AL – With the exception of complete and total blood loss, today’s routine ...

73 miles per hour

Study: The Average Doctor Moves at 73 Miles Per Hour

BOSTON, MA – A new study published in the New England Journal of Things ...

urine input

Yikes: Patient Reports 1.5 Liters of Urine Input

LOS ANGELES, CA – Completely catching his inpatient team off guard, a hospitalized patient ...

Physical therapy hyperacute rehab

Breaking: PT Recommends Hyperacute Rehab

ATLANTA, GA – Stating the potential for significant functional gains and a return to baseline in a ...

mucous plugs

Pulmonologist Says Sucking Out Mucous Plugs is What He Lives For

BOSTON, MA – It’s a rainy day. It’s cold out. Dr. Bailey Corgan, a ...

anesthesiologist billing trachea esophagus

Anesthesia: After All These Years, Still Can’t Tell Apart Trachea & Esophagus

BALTIMORE, MD – The Hoppin’ Johns University anesthesiologist Dr. James Keane proudly admits that ...