Dr. 99 Dr. 99

First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.
apples

Statin-Infused Apples Daily to Keep Even More Doctors Away

WARWICK, NY – A team of farmers in upstate New York have successfully infused ...

nasal cannula

Patient Placed on 4,000 Liters by Nasal Cannula

SPOKANE, WA – Sometimes you have to think outside the box. That’s exactly what ...

Breaking: Penlights Extinct

CHICAGO, IL – The American Association of Physical Exam Tools & Instruments (AAPETI) has ...

Report: Cool OB/GYNs Perform Pelvics with Head Mirrors

WASHINGTON, D.C. – How can you tell if your OB/GYN is cool? Well, the ...

divine intervention NPO after midnight miracle insurance authorization

God Postpones Miracle Due to Slightly High INR of 1.6

HEAVEN ABOVE – God, Creator of the Universe, has decided to postpone His plans ...

Black Cloud Begs On-Call Meteorologist for Help

NEW HAVEN, CT – Finding herself underdressed & underprepared for this torrential downpour of ...

standardized patient

Breaking: Standardized Patient Leaves AMA

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Standardized patient Lily Huron has left against medical advice (AMA) once ...