Dr. 99 Dr. 99

First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

Nation Gives Fauci Permission to Take 15-Minute Power Nap

UNITED STATES – American citizens have given Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Director of the ...

davinci robot

Da Vinci Will Be Key in Defeating COVID-19, Says No One

CHICAGO, IL – “Da Vinci will be key in defeating COVID-19,” says no one ...

CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

COVID-19: CDC Recommends Not Listening to CDC Recommendations

ATLANTA, GA – After receiving harsh criticism for its recommendation to resort to scarves ...

Breaking: Earth’s Inner Core Tests Positive for Coronavirus

LONDON, ENGLAND – Earth’s inner core has tested positive for the novel coronavirus, Gomerblog ...

Dr. Fauci Implores We All Watch Bob Ross on Infinite Loop Immediately

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Addressing a restless and concerned American public over COVID-19, Dr. Anthony ...

Happy Birthday, Aretha! A Gomerblog Tribute

And now a rare piece of news that is not about COVID-19: On March ...

toilet paper

Preserve Toilet Paper: CDC Strongly Recommends Against Defecation

ATLANTA, GA – The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has updated its ...