Whole Foods to Offer Free Gluten Sensitivity Tests in Aisles

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HARTFORD, CT – In an attempt to further push gluten-free foods into the public eye, Whole Foods has added point of care celiac sprue testing adjacent to the gluten free aisle. This low-sensitivity test is now available to the general public 24/7 at no cost.  

In fact, test positive and Whole Foods boasts your that your first box of starchy semi-brownie mix is free.  “Use caution,” however, Whole Foods warns as this medical test is neither approved nor regulated by the FDA.  It was created by a group of University of Phoenix Online marketing students who recognized that diagnosis hungry Americans love false positives.

“This is good for America,” stated Whole Foods executive Dan Elder.  “If someone has enough money to shop at Whole Foods, they can probably afford to eat gluten free. Maybe they will even feel better, eh?”

“Hey, this is about as evidence based as Bentyl,” Elder added.

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