• 12.1K

ATLANTA, GA – Chelsea Mason is one amazing woman.  Only 12 hours removed from a knee replacement surgery for severe osteoarthritis, Mason has left her medical team at Emory University completely flabbergasted by stating that her pain is only “mild” at a “2 out of 10” and is requesting only a one-time dose of regular-strength Tylenol to manage.

patient in hospital
“My pain is about a 2 out of 10… Can I just have a regular strength Tylenol pill, please?”

Mason has received praise from healthcare providers worldwide and is already being considered the greatest patient of all-time.

“At first I didn’t believe her,” said Mason’s nurse Veronica Abbott still in shock.  “But [Mason] insisted Tylenol was enough.”  Abbott admitted that she broke into tears, incredibly moved by Mason’s request.  She couldn’t hold back and even gave Mason a huge embrace.  “It was instinct, all instinct.  I still don’t believe it.  Look at me, I’m shaking!”

Understanding she was caught in the thralls of a once-in-a-lifetime medical experience, Abbott contacted every medical provider she could find.  With Mason’s permission, of course.  And what did Mason say?  “Why sure, dear!”  Unbelievable.

“Nurse Veronica paged me and I assumed the patient’s pain was out of control,” explained orthopedic surgeon Timothy Crusher, who performed the knee replacement.  “When I heard what was happening… I… I…. put it this way: Chelsea Mason isn’t just one in a million, she’s one in like four-hundred bajillion.  There is no one like her.  There never will be anyone like her.”

Within twenty minutes of her now-famous Tylenol-only request, Mason was overwhelmed by thousands of eager healthcare practitioners, all wanting to get a glimpse of the rarest of rare patients: the one who can manage pain with prn Tylenol.

“There aren’t even any case reports on this kind of patient,” said family medicine attending Zoe Roberts.  Roberts was granted permission by Mason to take pictures and share them on two of medicine’s major social media sites: Facebook and Twitter.  “Every healthcare practitioner in modern-day medicine is completely jaded.  What Mason does is give us hope for a brighter tomorrow.”

Mason’s room was in utter chaos but that didn’t bother Mason; she was only happy to oblige if it in any way made a difference.

Earlier today, Mason added to her legacy by saying a phrase that has not been uttered by a patient to a medical provider since the spring of 1964: she said, “Thank you.”  The burgeoning crowd of healthcare practitioners responded the only way they knew how: they saluted Mason with a fifteen-minute standing ovation.

“This is too much,” said consulting hospitalist Chris O’Hara, applauding and calling for an encore.  “I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around what has happened today.  Did you know she has absolutely no known drug allergies?  Wow.  She’s the most incredible person I have ever had the privilege to care for.  Check it out, I got her autograph.  I’m gonna frame it and put it in my office.  I am never ever going to forget this day.”

  • 12.1K
Dr. 99
First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.