vancomycin and zosyn soup

Recipe: GomerBlog’s Chicken Noodle Soup with Vancomycin & Zosyn

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Ever wonder why chicken noodle soup is good for the soul?  It’s because your soul is severely infected and needs to be treated with broad-spectrum antibiotics.  Next time you’re not feeling well, use this recipe to ensure a quick and speedy recovery!  It’s delicious, nutritious, and chock full of both gram-positive and gram-negative coverage.

vancomycin and zosyn soupRecipe makes 10 servings, assuming normal renal function.  The following ingredients can be found at your local grocery store or inpatient pharmacy.

Ingredients

2 cups of egg noodles
2 teaspoons of hand sanitizer
12 cups of chicken broth
2 teaspoons of salt
2 teaspoons of chicken seasoning
1 cup of chopped celery
1 cup of chopped onion
1 gram of vancomycin
3.375 grams of piperacillin/tazobactam (Zosyn)
500 cc of normal saline
3 cups of diced, cooked chicken meat
1 chopped scallion to garnish
40 mg of pantoprazole (Protonix) to garnish
8 mg of ondansetron (Zofran) to garnish

Step 1

Bring a small emesis basin of lightly salted water to a boil, then add egg noodles and hand sanitizer.  Boil egg noodles until tender, about 10 minutes.  Read about food poisoning and Salmonella.  Drain noodles when done.

Step 2

In a large emesis basin, combine chicken broth, salt, and chicken seasoning, then bring to a boil.  Add celery and onion, then reduce heat to a simmer.  Simmer for about 15 minutes.  Read about bird flu and Campylobacter.

Step 3

Gradually stir in the vancomycin, Zosyn, normal saline, and chicken until everything is heated well, about 5 minutes.

Step 4

Serve soup in a bedside urinal.  Garnish with scallion, Protonix, and Zofran.  Consider serving with a side of Ensure or Boost.

Step 5

Enjoy!

Step 6

Monitor daily creatinine and dose-adjust soup as needed.

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