KEARNEY, NE – The wave of worry spread quickly across the hospitalist community after Dr. Zimmer Strykerton, a local orthopedist, not only admitted a hip fracture to his service, but actually continued the metoprolol.  The event took place at Kind Humanitarian Hospital.

An Orthopod wrote a complete note! Here come the four horsemen!
An orthopod wrote a complete note! Here come the four horsemen!

“He did not even request a hospitalist consult! Just checked off home meds like he was trained to do so,” the local hospitalist Dr. Peg Trachenline raved.  “Whats next?  They will write for aspirin?!!  Document family history?  If they find out that there are antibiotics other than Ancef out there, we’re completely screwed!” mumbled Dr Trachenline, while vigorously filling out applications for fellowships, nursing school, and unemployment.

The concern was resonated by Dr. Anna Bolic, a hospitalist in Crystal City Hospital in Corning, NY after Dr. Stuck Foreskin, a local urologist, continued a statin on his postoperative prostate patient.  “I guess the gig is up,” reported Dr. Bolic to Gomerblog, as she was reading up on insulin, vent management and careers for DeVry graduates.  “I was interested in pathophysiology, pharmacology and social aspects of medical disease at some point, but writing for laxatives and Ambien on hip fractures really pays the bills these days.  I remember, I wanted to be an electrician when I was six and a half.  Now it looks like a reality.”

After Dr. Rusty Bonesaw, an orthopedist is San Diego wrote for Colace, full alarm bells sounded across the nation and an emergency meeting of the Society of Hospital Medicine was called.  While the convention could not agree on a solution to the surgeons’ upheaval, the symposium did decide that “hospitalist” is a ridiculous name for a profession.  After all, there is no specialty called Office-ist, Operating Room-ist, Cruise Ship-ist , ER-ist or I’m-gonna-stay-in my-cushy-derm-office-and-never-step-a-foot-in-a-hospital-again-ist.

Gomerblog readers are invited to send their suggestions for a more appropriate name for the profession to: [email protected]

Livin La Vida Locum MD
Livin La Vida Locum MD chose the most rewarding of all medical specialties and became a hospitalist. Wanting to contribute even more to the medical community, he trialed his hand at clinical research, but quickly realized that peer reviewed articles, R2,, and Odds Ratios will never top the impact of thorough healthcare reporting. So he dedicated his life to delivering the finest, deepest and broadest medical news from around the country. He accomplishes this monumental task by accepting locum assignments all over the country; in towns, villages and “hospitals” you never heard of and will never visit. May all fans of medical satire benefit from his wandering.