Dr. Ima Nass, a general surgeon from Illinois, was recently demoted for going an entire calendar year without washing his hands in the hospital. CEO Brandon Musgrave commented, “We couldn’t believe it, we even resorted to having nurses follow him around and throw chlorhexidine foam at him.”
Security cameras at the hospital confirmed the lack of handwashing. When Dr. Ima Nass was questioned about his lack of hand hygiene, he immediately went into a tirade about how he does wash his hands, and began throwing pens at the nurses.
CEO Musgrave has reported some recent success, however. “We began hiding chlorhexidine foam in patients’ hands, so when he went to shake, he would accidentally wash.”
“It’s been nice… Our MRSA infection rate for the entire hospital has decreased 27% in the past month alone,” Musgrave commented. Recent surveillance, however, shows Dr. Ima Nass changing his tactics by keeping his hands in his pockets while greeting patients.
“We must be vigilant,” says Musgrave, who is forming an entire committee to monitor this situation. “We will meet every day at Panera until we come up with a solution to this important issue.”