NASHVILLE, TN – In a stunning health care coup, Stalwart Memorial Hospital has announced a new advertising campaign that is sure to change the face of hospital publicity and simultaneously lower the cost of health care for the consumer. Thanks to the brilliance of the newly-hired social media manager, Shina Patel, patients will have their hospital copay and even some treatments reimbursed by the hospital… provided they get enough ‘likes’ on Facebook.
Last year, Stalwart Memorial Hospital spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on advertising costs, including hiring three additional advertising administrators who awarded contracts to four production companies for commercials (including a Super Bowl slot), as well as a composers and artists to create a new logo and advertising jingle.
The true genius, however, was Shina Patel, the 23-year-old who recently graduated with a Ph.D. in Social Media and Mobile Marketing. “I saw all these posts asking for enough ‘likes’ to cure cancer, or ‘one share = one prayer’ for a child’s surgery,” explained Shina. “I just thought maybe we could actually help these people somehow, not just ‘like’ a post, or fake pray.”
The refund schedule has not been fully clarified yet, but it will most likely follow a fee/like-for service plan. “Obviously, we have to get more ‘likes’ to cure someone’s leukemia than we do to set a broken finger,” said hospital CFO Ebenezer Burns. In a strange turn of events, the primary beneficiary of this new plan has been Kelly Schwartz, who received over 3 million likes for her breast augmentation. In a stunning show of generosity, Kelly has donated 100 of her ‘likes’ to little Billy Sackman’s battle with Hodgkins lymphoma, who is still 20 million ‘likes’ short of a buy-one-get-one-free chemo coupon.
Other local hospitals have joined in on the marketing revolution, including Lowland Hospital’s “Retweets for Remission” campaign and even a Plastic Surgery group’s “Hashtags for Skintags” promotion.