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Nurses and doctors use fancy words to communicate and sound smart before patients, families and each other. Having spent most of his adult life in the hospital, Livin La Vida Locum, M.D. shares the true meaning of all those fancy words and phrases arranged in no particular order. Enjoy:

15692949_mIntern: A larva of a doctor

Supratentorial: U R Crazy! Period.

Patient is a poor historian: I’m 8 admissions behind

My attending wants it: Nice try, but you’re not getting out of this consult.

Normocephalic Atraumatic: Patient has a head; head firmly attached to neck

Patient Satisfaction Survey: Reason why I drink

Preexisting: It was like that when I got here… I swear!

Iatrogenic: Crap… We did it.. Sorry about that

Nosocomial: From our cesspool… Sorry about that….too

Idiopathic: We don’t know what the heck is going on with you

Cryptogenic: No one knows what the heck is going on with you

Fever of Unknown Origin (FUO): If we figure out whats going on, you’re screwed. If not, you will get better and go home.

Family involved in care: This will burn A LOT of time.

Multidisciplinary Approach: You are a train-wreck.

Transfer to a Higher Level of Care: You’re too big of a train-wreck for us.

Hospitalist: The guy who will have to clean this mess

RRR S1S2: Patient’s heart beating at the time of exam

Resident: Hatchling Doctor

Adult Failure to Thrive: Unlike the other nursing home residents who ARE thriving

Sub-intern: Cocoon of a doctor

Coding Query: Another reason to drink

If you knew all of these try to pass the House of God CME Test.

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Livin La Vida Locum MD
Livin La Vida Locum MD chose the most rewarding of all medical specialties and became a hospitalist. Wanting to contribute even more to the medical community, he trialed his hand at clinical research, but quickly realized that peer reviewed articles, R2,, and Odds Ratios will never top the impact of thorough healthcare reporting. So he dedicated his life to delivering the finest, deepest and broadest medical news from around the country. He accomplishes this monumental task by accepting locum assignments all over the country; in towns, villages and “hospitals” you never heard of and will never visit. May all fans of medical satire benefit from his wandering.