Tips: How to Keep Your Necktie Nice & Colonized‏

  • 161


So who doesn’t love neckties?  Not only do they strangle your windpipe, but they also spread disease with reckless abandon.  Cheers to that!  Here are some of our favorite ways at GomerBlog to help keep your favorite necktie nice and colonized.

Use your necktie…

to wipe down keyboards, phones, doorknobs, urinals, and toilet seats

as a napkin after eating

as a tissue after a violent coughing or sneezing spell

to clean your stethoscope after every patient encounter

to mop the brow of a diaphoretic patient

to soothe the eyes of a patient with bacterial conjunctivitis

to swab a patients nasopharynx for influenza or Strep

to secure an endotracheal tube

to apply pressure after venipuncture or ABGs

to clean your hands instead of soap & water or alcohol-based sanitizer

to disimpact a patients rectum

to sample sputum, stool, or vaginal discharge

to tamponade bleeding urethras

to apply lotion to an elder patients dry and cracked feet

to dry purulent wounds

to pack open wounds

to wrap diabetic foot ulcers

to scrub hospital floors


Always let your necktie…

dangle freely

come in contact with everyone and everything in a clinic or hospital


Never, ever …

minimize surface area by wearing a bowtie or no tie at all

hide your necktie under a sweater, zipped jacket, or buttoned white coat

wash your necktie

take your necktie to the dry cleaners

autoclave it

buy a new necktie

With these simple tips you will have the most colonized necktie among your peers!

  • Dr. 99

    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

Hospitals Unleash New, Brutally Honest Slogans

6.9KSharesNEW YORK, NY – Forget the days of the compassionate and uplifting slogans like ...

CDC headquarters, ignore, sit-up, sit-ups, anti-vaxxer cooties, pictures 2,300 words, eat sh*t and die, hypodermic needles, bed bugs, vanco, Zosyn, Lego, flu shot, exhalation, baseline, Vaseline, scabies

Confused Michael Flynn Requests Immunity from CDC, Immunizations from Senate Intelligence Committee

346SharesWASHINGTON, D.C. – Several health care and congressional sources have informed Gomerblog that they believe former National ...

An Orthopaedic Surgeon Explains Renal Tubular Acidosis

21.6KSharesGLOBOGYM HEADQUARTERS, MA – Apparently someone at GomerBlog Twitter headquarters thought it would be ...