BOCA RATON, FL – Area patient Murray Bernstein miraculously awoke from a coma after several years, only to realize that Donald Trump was the President of the United States; the shocked patient immediately requested withdrawal of life-sustaining care.

“I was examining Mr. Bernstein’s tracheostomy site during my daily rounds when he suddenly opened his eyes and purposefully moved,” said Madre De Díos Hospital staff physician Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram.  “During my assessment it became clear that he was of sound mind and judgment.  He was able to reliably blink once or twice to answer yes or no questions.”

Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram continued.  “However, the TV in the room was on, and when he saw the news that Donald Trump was actually the president, he became tachycardic and tachypneic.  We thought about calling a code but he started to communicate that he wanted the ventilator to be turned off right away.”

At press time, Chlöe Less, the heroic hospital administrator was rushing into Mr. Bernstein’s room to coerce a good patient satisfaction survey response prior to withdrawal of care.  If the satisfaction score is less than 99%, per Hospital CEO Chaz Moneybags’ policy, it would trigger an automatic 25% paycut for the doctors & nurses.

“We’re always trained to respect patient’s wishes,” offered Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, “so when Mr. Bernstein indicated that Trump’s ascension made him question his own will to live, it kinda sorta made sense.”

Dr Pablo Pistola
Dr Pablo Pistola had become increasingly dissatisfied with satisfaction-based forces in medicine. He felt like a doctor without a purpose. He subsequently embarked on a 7 year twerking quest in the Himalayan foothills to find his true calling. During this journey, he realized that he has a secret talent: his immense knowledge about women. He understands them. Legend has it that he can size up a woman’s soul in a mere instant. He didn’t ask for these powers. But with great powers come great responsibilities. So Dr Pablo Pistola (double-board certified in Love Medicine & Romance Medicine, with fellowship training in Seduction Medicine) has been dabbling in satirical erotic writing. And if satirical erotic writing can offer a viable exit strategy from medicine, then the world will be a better place. His responsibility is to bring the stories of lust to you. He also is an avid life-long Miami Heat fan. Follow him on twitter at @drpablopistola