NORFOLK, VA – Local ER is now offering patients the option of their pain medication freebased or heated on a spoon and injected.  “We already start IVs and give narcotics for 10/10 pain, then send them home?!  We even take orders from patients like Dilaudid pushed fast followed by IV Benadryl, not diluted,” said Shannon Freedman, an ER nurse.  “I mean that’s pretty specific instructions for pain relief.  It’s usually requested because that’s the only thing that works.  This new policy is the next logical step.”

doctor giving male patient injection
The next step in patient-directed healthcare

“Oh, Nurse?” Deborah Hansen signaled to a nurse walking by here in the ER as if she was signaling a waiter at the restaurant.  “I have 10/10 pain over here, I need some pain meds, oh and where is the trash I’m done with these Doritos.”

The nurse took the bag and started to reach for the other trash.  “No, I’m still working on this Jimmy John Sandwich,” she said.

Deborah is well known to the ER staff here at Sacred Heart hospital.  In fact, most can list her eleven allergies by themselves.  “Nurse, my pain is really bad today.  I don’t think Dilaudid pushed fast, followed by IV Benadryl, will be enough today.”

“Well, you’re in-luck!  We were just credentialed in freebasing and heating meds on a spoon then injecting.  Does one of these options sound good to you?” Nurse Shannon inquired.

“I prefer if my pain meds were placed on a spoon then heated with a lighter,” Deborah requested.  Nurse Shannon went and retrieved a metal spoon and the ER lighter and placed the pain medicine on top.

“Yup perfect, just like that, circular motion.  Heat it evenly,” Deborah directed.  “Perfect now get a syringe and inject it fast, and don’t dilute it.  Ahhhhhh thanks.  Now my pain is tolerable, probably still a 10/10, but a tolerable 10.”

Lord Lockwell
Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.