condom, syringes

New Cracker Jack ‘Toys’ Include Condoms, Clean Syringes

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PLANO, TX – Frito-Lay has just announced “Good fun!” in the form of a limited edition of Cracker Jack Chocolate & Caramel Flavored Popcorn, in which the “Toy Surprise” will be geared towards adults and include such fun finds as condoms, clean syringes, and birth control pills.

condom, syringes
“Best bowl of Cracker Jacks ever!!!!”

“We need to win back our fan base,” said Frito-Lay senior director of marketing Warren Stenson.  “It’s a different era.  Forget baseball cards, stickers, and decoder rings.  Think sex, drugs, and other vices.”

Cracker Jack received some heat back in April when they replaced their “Cracker Jack Prize Inside” with a lame QR code so that families can enjoy a new one-of-a-kind mobile experience.  It didn’t fare well.  In fact, it sucked.

“Clearly the approach of being family friendly failed,” said Stenson as he inspects NuvaRings and contraceptive diaphragms before they’re packaged into the new Cracker Jack bags.  “This was the next logical step.”

According to Stenson, if sales increase over the next quarter, Frito-Lay may continue to push the envelope.  “Oh yeah, of course we’re thinking ahead, we’re always thinking ahead,” he explained with a devious grin.  “If condoms and needles are a hit, then you can expect the next edition of Cracker Jacks to include controlled substances.  If you think Cracker Jacks and Trojans are a fun combination, imagine Cracker Jacks and propofol.  Or fentanyl.  We’re excited to be ushering in a new era for our brand.  We couldn’t be more proud.”

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