garden gnome

Study: 90% Of Rectal Foreign Bodies Are Idiopathic

  • 2.2K
    Shares

BIRMINGHAM, AL – A recent retrospective review of Birmingham, Alabama confirms that 90% of rectal foreign bodies are idiopathic.  Colorectal surgeon Joshua P Dengle has spent the better part of the last decade removing this and that from rectums.  During this time, he’s noted a disturbing trend: most patients have literally no idea how the light bulb, broom handle, lawn gnome, or otherwise ended up stuffed in their rectums.  He thus decided to perform a retrospective chart review, which was almost completely confirmatory of his hunch.  

garden gnome
“No idea how this garden gnome got in there”

9 out of 10 people requiring rectal foreign body retrieval were completely in the dark about where in the world these foreign bodies came from.  The other 10% mostly slipped and fell (the study investigators are still not sure how this explains the foreign body but accepted it as an answer regardless).

Dr. Dengle plans a follow up study to chase yet another well-founded hunch.  He believes that the majority of these patients with idiopathic foreign bodies also have no idea why they present to Emergency Departments in Birmingham.  

“I have a well founded fear that Alabama has been stricken by a new infectious disease, probably from Haiti, that not only 3D prints random everyday objects in people’s rectums but also causes a temporary dissociative state that ultimately drives them to Emergency Departments,” stated Dr. Dengle.  We, at ThePannus, will keep the world informed as this Public Health threat unfolds.  

image_pdfimage_print
  • The Pannus

    Founded on ideals as American as nachos, spaghetti, and the Louisiana Purchase, The Pannus pledges allegiance to the Consumer, who is hard work hard everyday to keep healthcare professionals in business

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

end of life care

ZDoggMD: “Ain’t the Way to Die”

7.6KSharesEnd of life care.  We need to talk about it more… From ZDoggMD: “Need help ...