Cardiologist Validates ‘Time to Burrito Consumption’ as Reasonable Cardiac Risk Stratification Tool

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MOBILE, AL – Local cardiologist Dr. Mona Bee has just published a brand new risk stratification tool for coronary artery disease and her patients could not be happier.  Dr. Bee developed the idea when she saw her 18-year-old son immediately after eating a burrito.

She couldn’t tell whether he had just run around the block or finished what he calls a “rice and bean-filled hug from God.”  Since the majority of her patients are more willing to consume a burrito than walk on a treadmill, she extrapolated her experience at home to formulate the Dr. Bee’s Burrito protocol.

Her patients are given a large burrito and asked to eat it as fast as they can.  Her hypothesis was that the faster her patients consumed the burrito, the less likely they were to have serious heart disease.  Patients who took longer to eat the burrito had a higher chance of having cardiac disease on a left heart cath.

Dr. Bee is excited about the potential applications of this research.  “This test could be done right in the Emergency Department or even at your local burrito shop, no need for fancy imaging or even a doctor to perform it.”  As you can see, there is a risk of false positives in patients who use hot sauce which renders the patient unable to finish the burrito quickly and in patients who have a high sense of self-worth, as they are more likely to care about how they look eating a burrito and therefore take longer to consume the product.

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