KANSAS CITY, MO – HURRY, HEAD TO 5 WEST!!! In breaking news reaching GomerBlog just minutes ago, there is one… no, scratch that, two boxes of donuts, assorted donuts, in the nurses’ break room on 5 West at Kansas City Medical Center (KCMC). This is NOT a drill: there are TWO boxes of ASSORTED donuts in the break room. HURRY!! GO GET SOME!!!
Last donut count was at 23.
“Joy in a hospital comes only in one form: donuts,” said family medicine attending Rex Townsend before sprinting towards an assorted collection of happiness. “Must… get… glazed…”
Donut count is down by another two, leaving only 21 lucky providers with the opportunity of temporary mental and glycemic satisfaction.
As expected, patient care and Code Blues will be temporarily suspended as providers appropriately prioritize and attempt to be one of the lucky ones to get to 5 West in time for some sugary goodness. Patients have been understanding. One anonymous patient explained the rationale: “Hey, if I had to choose between a pain-in-the-a** patient and a donut, I know what I’d choose.”
ICU attending Kimberly Connors puts it into perspective. “There are three things I love: family, friends, and donuts, and not necessarily in that order,” she blurted while abandoning her ICU in a sprint. She’s savoring her strawberry jelly donut. “Intubate shmintubate.”
Donut count: 9.
It is not clear who delivered the boxes of donuts to the break room, but said person has already been elevated to hero status. There was even been talk of creating a statue in his or her honor, though that talk quickly ceased once everyone fell asleep from a sugar crash.
“Whomever did this,” said nurse Erica Lane, shedding a tear of joy and caressing her maple bacon donut like a newborn, “is a saint and a hero. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you, just thank you… There are still good people in the world.”