Hey YOU, that’s right, I’m talking to you. Gomerblog just wanted to take some time to let you know that your job sucks. Really. It’s terrible. I know you’ve worked for years to be able to do that thing that you do with patients, but seriously, everything about your job is the worst. Sure, we like to make fun of other health care jobs from time to time, but there’s no comparison to you. There’s just so much to ridicule. It would take years to address all the aspects of your job that makes it so idiotic, but who has that kind of time?

When we first learned about your job we thought, “Well, that doesn’t sound too bad. Maybe it’s actually a cool job to have.” However, we quickly realized how abjectly depressing life would be in your shoes. All the stupid things you have to do all day. We’d rather sit in a windowless, featureless room for 12 hours reading the ICD-10. Not the actual diagnoses either. Just the numbers.

Your drive/bike/walk/run to work sucks. The stuff you do all day sucks. Your job performance sucks. Your coffee sucks. But don’t feel bad, your boss’s job sucks too.

You know the infinite monkey theorem? The one that says, given enough time, a monkey with a typewriter, randomly pressing keys, could write Shakespeare. Well that monkey may eventually write Macbeth over the course of a thousand years, but there’s no way in hell he’d be able to cover all the terrible things of your miserable profession.

Now you might say, “Wow, that’s harsh. My career is noble. It should be taken seriously. I’ve worked hard. I’m proud of my degree. You don’t know enough about my job to say these things. Why do you always pick on me?” You might even write these things on social media, for all the world to see. To that we’d say, you’re wrong, so spectacularly wrong. There’s not much more we can say. Your job just kind of sucks. Sorry.