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elevator rideElevator rides can be an awkward time for health care providers who sometimes have to spend up to 3 minutes standing in an enclosed metal box with their patients. Striking up a casual conversation can be challenging. Here are a few phrases that will help you form a bond with your patient as well as pass the time until those sliding doors of freedom release you from involuntary captivity.

1. “I’d let you push the button, but you’d be surprised how much we bill for that.”

2. “This is the only place they can’t hear us. When the door opens, run.”

3. “Did you know that this elevator can hold 2,600 cubic feet of med student?”

4. “Now’s a good time to switch clothes if you want to be the doctor for a while.”

5. “All the autopsies are done in the basement right next to the elevator shaft, just in case…”

6. “Boy, I sure hope that 3,000 pound weight limit doesn’t include the gravity of your current medical situation.”

7. “Oh shoot I forgot, this is the elevator that requires an informed consent.”

8. “Sorry, the hospital is at capacity. This is your room now.”

9. “They really did a great job cleaning up this elevator. The blood stains are hardly noticeable.”

10. “It’s really amazing.  Thousands of people have ridden in this elevator and only about 30 have died.”

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Dr. Glaucomflecken
Following a successful career as a doctor impersonator, Dr. Glaucomflecken decided to attend a real, accredited medical school and residency program. Now he spends his time treating eyeballs, occasionally forgetting that they belong to an actual human body. Dr. Glaucomflecken specializes in knowing where to look when talking to somebody with a lazy eye. He started writing for GomerBlog after being told to “publish or perish.” Follow me on Twitter @DGlaucomflecken
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