porn

Med Students Not Actually Working, Just Looking at Porn

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NEW YORK, NY – Though medical students Matthew Roberts, Erin Long, Lauren McCarty look like they are studying or sifting through a patient’s electronic medical records, GomerBlog has discovered that we’ve all been deceived and they are in fact just looking at porn.  Lots and lots of porn.

“So it was a ruse all along,” said charge nurse Roberta Quinn, hands on hips and shaking her head in disappointment.  She plans to wash her hands immediately.  “They looked so serious, one of them even taking notes.  I asked them what they were studying and they said STDs.  Clever.  Very clever.”

Numerous health care workers saw the three students staring at a computer screen with intense focus, so presumed that they were in the middle of something, as most typical medical students would: looking up a patient’s labs, reading an article on PubMed, studying a PowerPoint, or even studying a topic on UpToDate.  It was only when someone looked over their shoulders that they realized the unfortunate truth.

“Let’s just say they were staying the anatomy of two people, sometimes three people, getting it on,” said intern Michael Rodgers, shocked that these students are happily watching porn out in the open.  “Well, at least they have it on mute.”

“It is unclear why these med students are watching porn at 11 in the morning in the middle of the wards,” said baffled internal medicine attending Jay O’Riley, who is currently supervising two of the three medical students, Matt and Lauren, on his team.  “I kinda want to know, but then I kinda don’t.”

With this incident having taken place, several classmates are now curious about other past incidents.

“Once I saw the three of them looking at slides with one of those teaching microscopes,” said an anonymous fellow first-year medical student.  “Makes you wonder.  Maybe they were just looking at porn then too.”

No punishment has been set and in fact the students are continuing to watch away, mostly because it’s going to be awkward to interrupt.

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    First there was Dr. 01, the first robot physician, created to withstand toxic levels of burnout in an increasingly mechanistic and impossibly demanding healthcare field. Dr. 99 builds upon the advances of its ninety-eight predecessors by phasing out all human emotion, innovation, and creativity completely, and focusing solely on pre-programmed protocols and volume-based productivity. In its spare time, Dr. 99 enjoys writing for Gomerblog and listening to Taylor Swift.

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