icu patient

Nurse Keeps Dead Patient to Prevent Another Admission

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CHARLESTON, SC – Nurse Missy Croney neglected to tell the charge nurse her patient was deceased because she couldn’t stand the idea of gaining a new admit.  “I’m so stressed already.  I don’t have time to fill out that 20-page computer admit form,” said Croney.  Croney knew she’d be safe from the charge nurse finding out because the patient’s heart was still beating due to her pacemaker.  The telemetry monitor demonstrated the patient was alive and well.

Upon learning of the secret, coworker Stephanie Buckles stated, “It’s the manager’s fault.  The nurse-to-patient ratios are appalling.”  Stephanie Buckles and the other nurses of 19W agreed to keep the news quiet about the dead patient in Room 5.

A new and religious nurse suggested keeping a dead patient was unethical.  She quickly quieted down when the older nurses gave her a death look and threatened to stop helping her with IV sticks and difficult patient families.  Croney grabbed the new nurse in the supply closet and said, “You’re fresh and don’t know the lay of the land.  Don’t forget that when you’re drowning in doctor’s orders.”

The older nurses on the floor continue to be impressed with Croney’s ingenuity.  “You’re truly brilliant,” Stephanie Buckles commented.  “Imagine having 4 dead patients.  You can go to the bathroom and get a lunch break no problem.”  Croney proudly reiterated to her coworkers that dead patients are the key to a peaceful day.

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  • Blayr

    Blayr is a recovering nurse who’s obsessed with comedy and condiments. You can follow her at @UncommonBee on Twitter and Instagram. Website: UncommonBee.com **Please follow Blayr on Twitter and Instagram at @DistractedBee **

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