mother gooseFor health care providers, it can be hard to explain to your children what you do at the hospital all day.  Fortunately, Dr. Mother Goose is here to introduce your child to the exciting world of medicine.  The following nursery rhymes are perfect for play time, meal time, bed time, or when it’s time for your 5-year old to remove those rose-colored glasses.  Enjoy!

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And neurosurgery had to do an urgent craniectomy.

It’s raining it’s pouring
The old man is snoring
He went to bed and bumped his head
And went to the ED at 2 AM with an orbital fracture.

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating a Christmas pie
He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plumb
And ruined the pie for everybody else at the potluck.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do
She gave them all broth without any bread
Then spanked them all soundly and was investigated by CPS.

Little Ms. Muffett sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
That sat down beside her
And told her all about his lactose intolerance.

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed to see such sport
Then the patient was given a double dose of Haldol.

Hickory dickory dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one, the mouse ran down
The VA has a severe pest control issue.

I’m a little teapot short and stout
Here is my handle, here is my spout
When I get all steamed up, here me shout
JACHO IS COMING!!!

Mary had a little lamb
His fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
She spread zoonotic infections to her patients.

Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold
Pease porridge in the pot, nine days old
Some like it hot, some like it cold
Just give it to the intern, he’ll eat anything.

Hot cross buns, hot cross buns
One a penny, two a penny,
The med students still can’t afford it.

Peter Peter pumpkin eater
Had a wife but couldn’t keep her
Put her in a pumpkin shell
Peter the neurosurgeon is getting another divorce.

Rain rain, go away,
Come again another day,
Little Betty wants to play,
But she’s in the middle of a 12-hour shift.

Dr. Glaucomflecken
Following a successful career as a doctor impersonator, Dr. Glaucomflecken decided to attend a real, accredited medical school and residency program. Now he spends his time treating eyeballs, occasionally forgetting that they belong to an actual human body. Dr. Glaucomflecken specializes in knowing where to look when talking to somebody with a lazy eye. He started writing for GomerBlog after being told to “publish or perish.” Follow me on Twitter @DGlaucomflecken